{"id":11690,"date":"2025-03-18T14:49:59","date_gmt":"2025-03-18T14:49:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/jewish-resources\/?p=11690"},"modified":"2025-05-14T15:29:26","modified_gmt":"2025-05-14T15:29:26","slug":"bar-vs-bat-mitzvah-significance-and-celebrations","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/jewish-resources\/bar-vs-bat-mitzvah-significance-and-celebrations\/","title":{"rendered":"Bar vs. Bat Mitzvah: Significance and Celebrations"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><em>By Rabbi Pinchos Fried<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"intro\">Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>What is the significance of becoming Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah? How should these occasions be celebrated? And is there a difference between the two?<br>Let\u2019s take a deep dive into these questions, and more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Table of Contents<\/h5>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group table-of-contents\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\">\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"#intro\">Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#what\">What is Bar or Bat (Bas) Mitzvah?<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#celebration\">Bar vs. Bat Mitzvah: Celebration<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#why\">But why celebrate?<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#boys\">Only boys?<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#girls\">Why not girls?<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#differing-viewpoints\">Bar vs. Bat Mitzvah: Differing Viewpoints<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#custom\">Contemporary Custom<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#ceremony\">Bar Mitzvah ceremony<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#aliyah\">Aliyah to the Torah<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#lessons\">Bar Mitzvah Lessons<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#kiddush\">Shabbat Kiddush<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#tefillin\">Putting on Tefillin<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#tallit\">Tallit<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#batmitzvah\">Bat Mitzvah<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"what\">What is Bar or Bat (Bas) Mitzvah?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cBar\u201d is an Aramaic term for son. \u201cBat\u201d or Bas means daughter, in both Hebrew and Aramaic.<br>\u201cMitzvah\u201d means commandment. Hence Bar Mitzvah would be \u2018son of commandment\u2019 and Bat Mitzvah \u2018daughter of commandment\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In other words, at this point of their lives a young man or lady becomes obligated in all of the commandments the Torah requires of each of them respectively.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Furthermore, they are now considered adults regarding most halachic matters (relating to Jewish law). For example, their financial transactions are now valid, their personal vows are binding, and they are subject to punishment by Beit Din (a Rabbinic court) for certain transgressions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For boys, this happens at age 13, while girls precede them by a year, at age 12<a id=\"_ednref1\" href=\"#_edn1\"><sup>[1]<\/sup><\/a>. (The Talmud explains that God gave women an extra measure of understanding (<em>Binah Yeteirah<\/em>), which causes this faster maturation<a id=\"_ednref2\" href=\"#_edn2\"><sup>[2]<\/sup><\/a>.) This age difference is another important element in understanding Bar vs. Bat Mitzvah, as it reflects the unique spiritual and intellectual capacities attributed to each gender.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Still, these young adults are only partially liable at this stage. While they can already be held accountable in matters which are adjudicated by Beit Din (a Rabbinic court), regarding matters adjudicated by the Heavenly Court both men and women are only liable at age 20<a id=\"_ednref3\" href=\"#_edn3\"><sup>[3]<\/sup><\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-buttons is-layout-flex wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-button\"><a class=\"wp-block-button__link wp-element-button\" href=\"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/jewish-resources\/category\/judaism-101\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">New to Judaism? Check out our Judaism 101 section for a helpful introduction to Jewish beliefs and practices.<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"celebration\">Bar vs. Bat Mitzvah: Celebration<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>A very old custom among Jews has been to celebrate the occasion of Bar Mitzvah. Already in post Second-Temple era, the Zohar (a work on Kabbalah attributed to the Tannaic sage Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai and his disciples) recounts that the great sage Rabbi Shimon Ben Yochai hosted a lavish affair at the Bar Mitzvah of his son Rabbi Elazar; who would later go on to become a great sage in his own right<a id=\"_ednref4\" href=\"#_edn4\"><sup>[4]<\/sup><\/a>. In fact, the Magen Avraham<a id=\"_ednref5\" href=\"#_edn5\"><sup>[5]<\/sup><\/a> (a classic, authoritative halachic work, written in the 1600s as a commentary of sorts on Rabbi Yosef Karo\u2019s Shulchan Aruch, by Rabbi Avraham Abele of Kalish, Poland) recommends, based on another statement of the Zohar<a id=\"_ednref6\" href=\"#_edn6\"><sup>[6]<\/sup><\/a>, that a Bar Mitzvah be celebrated as greatly as a wedding!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The question of Bar vs. Bat Mitzvah arises in the context of celebration as well, as we will discuss below. While Bar Mitzvahs have been widely celebrated for centuries, Bat Mitzvah celebrations emerged much later and are still debated in some circles. This point is important in considering how different Jewish communities approach Bar vs. Bat Mitzvah milestones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"why\">But Why Celebrate?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">1. Newly Arrived Yetzer Tov<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>So, number one, the Bar Mitzvah boy is now endowed with a Yetzer Tov.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\">What is a Yetzer Tov?<\/h5>\n\n\n\n<p>According to Jewish tradition, every person has a good inclination (Yetzer Tov) and an evil inclination (Yetzer Hara). The inclination towards good is what provides us that aspiration to go high, to do the noble thing, to make the world a better place, to be a better person. It is our conscience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The inclination toward evil is what pulls us to be selfish, indulge our desires without thought to who might get hurt or what might get damaged, to do whatever it takes to get ahead. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The perennial struggle of life is navigating the battle between these two internal forces (a.k.a. Free Will).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But Jewish tradition teaches that while the evil inclination arrives at birth<a id=\"_ednref7\" href=\"#_edn7\"><sup>[7]<\/sup><\/a>, the Yetzer Tov\u2019s arrival is only at Bar Mitzvah<a id=\"_ednref8\" href=\"#_edn8\"><sup>[8]<\/sup><\/a>. And so we celebrate the arrival of this crucial tool.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">2. Greater Performance of Mitzvot<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Another reason is that the very obligation in the mitzvot (Torah commandments) is reason to celebrate. The Talmud<a id=\"_ednref9\" href=\"#_edn9\"><sup>[9]<\/sup><\/a> tells of Rabbi Yosef, a sage who became blind, who grappled with an earlier Talmudic teaching of Rabbi Yehuda regarding the halachic status of the blind. Reb Yehuda maintained that the blind are not obligated in any mitzvot of the Torah, and Reb Yosef wasn\u2019t sure if the <em>halachah <\/em>followed his opinion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Initially, Rabbi Yosef was hoping that <em>halachah <\/em>would follow Rabbi Yehuda. His reasoning was that since he was keeping the mitzvot anyway, surely his reward would be greater, as he would be doing it voluntarily. However, he then became aware of a teaching of Rabbi Chanina, which changed his attitude. Rabbi Chanina said that one who is obligated in a mitzvah actually has greater reward for its fulfillment than one who is not<a id=\"_ednref10\" href=\"#_edn10\"><sup>[10]<\/sup><\/a>. When Rabbi Yosef heard this, he declared that if someone could affirm that a blind person is in fact obligated in mitzvot, he would make a grand celebration and invite the prominent rabbis of his time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The Yam Shel Shlomo<a id=\"_ednref11\" href=\"#_edn11\"><sup>[11]<\/sup><\/a> (a work on the Talmud by sixteenth-century Rabbi Shlomo Luria of Lublin, Poland) invokes this as a reason for celebrating a Bar Mitzvah. Here too, the young man is entering the period of obligation, and his performance of mitzvot becomes so much greater.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"boys\">Only Boys?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>While the custom of celebrating a Bar Mitzvah has ancient roots, Bat Mitzvahs were not celebrated in Jewish communities until relatively recently. And in fact, the source of its contemporary celebration doesn\u2019t seem to be from Orthodox Judaism. The first Bat Mitzvah celebration in America was in 1922, made by a Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan for his daughter Judith. Though he was officially Orthodox at the time, he later switched to Conservative Judaism, and eventually founded the Reconstructionist movement<a id=\"_ednref12\" href=\"#_edn12\"><sup>[12]<\/sup><\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"xgirls\">Why not Girls?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>While I have not found early Torah sources that give an explicit reason for the omission of girls from this custom, attention should be paid to the historical context. For most of Jewish history, educating boys, who are the ones primarily responsible for <a href=\"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">learning and passing on the scholastic part of Judaism&#8217;s Torah tradition<\/a> as well as creating the next generation of Torah leaders<a id=\"_ednref13\" href=\"#_edn13\"><sup>[13]<\/sup><\/a>, was itself a struggle, not something taken for granted. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Between severe poverty, poor infrastructure and travel capabilities, families could barely <a href=\"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/about.php\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">teach their boys Torah<\/a> properly, let alone girls. To survive, the women and girls needed to focus mainly on just keeping the house running, and leave whatever spiritual pursuits the family could muster to the boys and men. So, it is certainly no surprise that a ceremony celebrating a young adult\u2019s entry to spiritual obligation remained with the menfolk for all that time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In fact, there is a disagreement among contemporary halachic authorities about the correct Torah approach to Bat Mitzvahs, even regarding our times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Bar vs. Bat Mitzvah: Differing Viewpoints<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\">1. Bat Mitzvah Celebrations not Encouraged<\/h5>\n\n\n\n<p>Rabbi Moshe Feinstein <em>zt\u201dl<\/em> (Lived from 1895-1986. He was born in Russia, and served as a rabbi there, then moved to New York. He was one of the most prominent rabbis of the twentieth century) discourages Bat Mitzvah celebrations, since they are not rooted in authentic Torah tradition<a id=\"_ednref14\" href=\"#_edn14\"><sup>[14]<\/sup><\/a>. He doesn\u2019t forbid it, though. Furthermore, he says that it <em>is<\/em> considered a happy occasion, just as much as a Bar Mitzvah<a id=\"_ednref15\" href=\"#_edn15\"><sup>[15]<\/sup><\/a>. Others are more strict, and feel it should be forbidden<a id=\"_ednref16\" href=\"#_edn16\"><sup>[16]<\/sup><\/a> (they don\u2019t dispute the happiness of the occasion though).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\">2. &#8220;Almost an Absolute Obligation&#8221;<\/h5>\n\n\n\n<p>Conversely, Rabbi Yechiel Yaakov Weinberg (1884-1966. Born in Poland, he studied in the traditional yeshivas of Mir and Slabodka, then pursued a secular education. From Poland he moved to pre-WWII Berlin. After the war he settled in and became the rabbi of Montreux, Switzerland<a id=\"_ednref17\" href=\"#_edn17\"><sup>[17]<\/sup><\/a>) in his Sridei Aish<a id=\"_ednref18\" href=\"#_edn18\"><sup>[18]<\/sup><\/a> greatly encourages this custom, calling it \u201calmost an absolute obligation\u201d. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He explains that although the earlier generations did not do it, times have changed, and the world has changed. In the past, girls were educated in pure homes, and were sheltered from the negative influences of the world. Today we find ourselves immersed in a tsunami of anti-Torah attitudes and cultures, and it is crucial to give young adults, both boys and girls, a pride in their Jewish identity and heritage; therefore celebrating their entry into its obligation is paramount. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Additionally, differentiating between boys and girls in this way, in an age where women have achieved equal rights in other areas, can have damaging effects. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He does qualify that it be done for the right reasons, and in the right way. The idea should not be to promote secular ideas or culture, nor should it be a frivolous, empty affair. It should be uplifting, an opportunity to focus on and promote greater observance of the obligations of Jewish women.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\">3. A Mitzvah<\/h5>\n\n\n\n<p>Chacham Ovadia Yosef <em>zt\u201dl<\/em> (1920-2013. He was born in Iraq, and immigrated to the Land of Israel. After a short stint as rabbi in Cairo, he returned to Israel. He was considered the leader of Sephardic Jewry) also encourages celebrating Bat Mitzvah, in his Yabia Omer<a id=\"_ednref19\" href=\"#_edn19\"><sup>[19]<\/sup><\/a>. He calls the celebration a mitzvah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\">4. Celebrate in a Private Fashion<\/h5>\n\n\n\n<p>And last but not least, Oorah\u2019s own Rabbi Chaim Mintz discusses this issue on his \u201cAsk the Rabbi\u201d platform, and says that a Bat Mitzvah should certainly be celebrated, and it is just as important in God\u2019s eyes so to speak. However, for modesty reasons, it should be done in a more reserved and private fashion<a id=\"_ednref20\" href=\"#_edn20\"><sup>[20]<\/sup><\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(The more intimate nature of the Bat Mitzvah celebration vs. the public manner of the Bar Mitzvah celebration also highlights the unique roles of men and women in Torah Judaism.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"custom\">Contemporary Custom<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Lately, Bat Mitzvah celebration has become pretty common in the Orthodox community. Still, the manner of celebration varies by community and individual. Many Orthodox families make a more private affair, inviting only close family and select friends<a id=\"_ednref21\" href=\"#_edn21\"><sup>[21]<\/sup><\/a>. (Presents are always appreciated.)<br>(When my own daughter reached Bat Mitzvah age, I discussed it with my rabbi, who also encouraged celebrating the occasion. He felt, like Rabbi Weinberg, that it is extremely important to give all young adults encouragement and to boost their self-value, especially in relation to their Jewishness.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Either way, it should certainly not feed into a rat race of over-the-top excess, or influences which are the opposite of Torah. Ideally, as we quoted Rabbi Weinberg above, it should be an event with real meaning&#8211; one that will inspire the young woman to reach her full potential as a daughter of Israel, and fill her heart with confidence that she has the power to succeed at the lofty purpose for which she was created.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"ceremony\">Bar Mitzvah Ceremony<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Contemporary Orthodox Bar Mitzvahs often consist of two parts, and sometimes three. One is sometimes referred to as \u201cthe Bo Bayom\u201d, which is the actual Hebrew date of the Bar Mitzvah boy coming of age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This can obviously occur on any day of the week, and on that evening is the main dinner celebration. During this dinner, the Bar Mitzvah boy traditionally gives a Talmudic discourse called a <em>pshetel<\/em>, or Bar Mitzvah speech.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Often, the guests will interrupt his speech with singing. The reason for this custom is so that a boy whose <a href=\"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/staff.php\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Talmudic skills<\/a> are not on the level at which he can deliver the discourse properly should not be embarrassed. Since everyone is singing anyway, his lacking will not be noticed.<br>Guests often present the boy with <em>seforim <\/em>(<a href=\"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/books.php\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Torah books<\/a>), money, or other gifts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"aliyah\">Aliyah to the Torah<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The next part is the Aliyah. At the time of the Torah reading in shul, the Bar Mitzvah boy gets called up to recite the blessings on the Torah for the first time. Many (but not all) Bar Mitzvah boys read the passage&nbsp;for which they are called up, and some even read the whole <em>parshah <\/em>(weekly Torah portion). Many read the <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=v3Cs4oi3f1U\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">haftorah<\/a> <\/em>as well. &nbsp;Others will allow the standard \u201cBaal Korei (person who regularly reads from the Torah in the traditional tune)\u201d to read as usual, while the boy will recite the <em>brachot <\/em>(blessings) for reading from the Torah, before and after the reading.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The father of the boy then recites a special <em>brachah<\/em>: \u201c<em>Baruch shepatrani me\u2019ansho shelazeh<\/em>\u201d (Blessed is He Who absolved me from the punishment of this one [the Bar Mitzvah boy]). The idea of this blessing is that the responsibility of the young man\u2019s behavior now shifts. As a child, it was his parents\u2019 responsibility to ensure he was raised in the proper path. As he now embarks on adulthood, he takes over the liability for his own actions<a id=\"_ednref22\" href=\"#_edn22\"><sup>[22]<\/sup><\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"lessons\">Bar Mitzvah Lessons<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>As you might imagine, mastering his <em>pshetel<\/em>, learning how to read from the Torah, and how to read the <em>haftorah <\/em>(two different tunes) is quite a feat, especially for a 13-year-old. He cannot do it alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In addition, he must learn the relevant <em>halachot <\/em>(Torah laws) of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/mileage\/prizesDetails.php?search=tefillin\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">putting on <em>tefillin<\/em><\/a> (and <em>tallit<\/em>, for those who do that now).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sometimes the boy\u2019s father has the knowledge and time to teach all of it himself, but in many cases he will hire a special teacher to learn and practice with the young man.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This teacher might also prepare him for the general transition into halachic adulthood, accepting the responsibility of fulfilling all the mitzvot of the Torah which now apply to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-buttons is-layout-flex wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-button tm-cta\"><a class=\"wp-block-button__link wp-element-button\" href=\"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/junior\/about.php\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">The Junior TorahMates program can set your son up with a Jewish tutor to help your son prepare for his Bar Mitzvah. Sign up today!<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"kiddush\">Shabbat Kiddush<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The <em>aliyah <\/em>usually happens during the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/jewish-resources\/category\/shabbat-and-holidays\/shabbat\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Shabbat<\/a> morning prayers, though some have an <em>aliyah <\/em>during the week (and recite the blessing of \u201cBaruch Shepatrani\u201d then), followed by another <em>aliyah <\/em>(without that blessing) on Shabbat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In Israel there seems to be a custom to throw candies at the Bar Mitzvah boy at the conclusion of his Aliyah<a id=\"_ednref23\" href=\"#_edn23\"><sup>[23]<\/sup><\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>After davening (prayers), a Kiddush is served. This is like a mini party, though some put emphasis on \u2018mini\u2019, while others on \u2018party\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It begins with the recital of the Shabbat-day Kiddush, and is kind of self-serve, with platters of cake, and various other traditional treats laid out on the tables for attendees to help themselves. Ashkenazi <em>kiddushim <\/em>will feature a selection of some or all of; herring and <em>kichel<\/em> (an egg-based pastry), kugel, cholent, and even <em>galareta <\/em>(a.k.a. <em>p\u2019tcha<\/em>). Sephardic cuisine is more like <em>kibbe<\/em>, <em>lah\u2019majin<\/em>, meat <em>sambusak<\/em>, and meat cigars served with plenty of hummus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"tefillin\">Putting on Tefillin<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Tefillin, or phylacteries, are those black boxes Jewish boys and men wear on their head and arm, usually during the morning prayers (Shacharit). These boxes actually have a few slips of parchment inserted in them, which contain four Torah passages that speak about key Jewish concepts, including Hashem (God)\u2019s oneness, loving Hashem and serving him, reward and punishment, and the exodus from Egypt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Tefillin are very holy, and the Talmud states that in a sense, Hashem\u2019s name is symbolically manifested on the wearer\u2019s head<a id=\"_ednref24\" href=\"#_edn24\"><sup>[24]<\/sup><\/a>. (For a more detailed and in-depth discussion about tefillin, see this excellent article on Aish.com: <a href=\"https:\/\/aish.com\/48969816\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">https:\/\/aish.com\/48969816\/<\/a>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>At or around Bar Mitzvah age, a young man begins to wear tefillin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Why Specifically Now?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>There is a crucial concept in Judaism called \u201c<em>chinuch<\/em>\u201d, which translates as a combination of educating, training, and beginning. Although obligation only starts at 12 years (girls) or 13 years (boys), we train children from a young age the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/mileage\/view-prizes.php\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">basics of Judaism<\/a> and how to properly observe Torah and mitzvot, so that by the time they \u2018go live\u2019, they will be prepared.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Now, with regard to most mitzvot, we train our children from a pretty young age; as soon as they are capable of observing that particular command. For example, once a child can talk, we train them to recite <em>brachot<\/em>, and recite basic prayers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There are two exceptions: fasting on days like Yom Kippur and Tisha B\u2019Av, and putting on tefillin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>With the former, the reason is obvious. Fasting can be harmful for little children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The reason children don\u2019t wear tefillin before Bar Mitzvah age is that tefillin require a clean body. Because of their holiness, a man wearing tefillin must be sure he is not even slightly in need of relieving himself, and passing gas while wearing tefillin is forbidden too. Since we can\u2019t trust most children to be careful with this, they don\u2019t wear tefillin until they are ready. Still, some communities do start their boys off a little bit before actual Bar Mitzvah. German-Jewish communities (known as <em>Yekkes<\/em>) usually start three months before, while a broader <em>minhag <\/em>(custom) is to start a month before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The first time the boy puts on tefillin, a smaller celebration is held, typically with cookies and cake, and perhaps some schnapps (booze), though some go a bit further\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"tallit\">Tallit<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>In some communities, a Bar Mitzvah boy begins to wear a tallit. A tallit, also known as <em>tallit gadol<\/em> (large tallit) is a [four-cornered] prayer shawl with a set of strings in the corners (four strings to each corner, doubled over so they appear as eight), called tzitzit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A tallit is mainly worn during the morning prayers known as Shacharit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This tallit is worn in addition to a <em>tallit katan<\/em> (small tallit, often referred to simply as \u201ctzitzit\u201d), which is worn under the shirt or jacket etc. with just the tzitzit strings sticking out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>While boys begin wearing tzitzit at a very young age (usually at age three or thereabouts), with a <em>tallit gadol <\/em>there are differing customs regarding at what stage of life it is \u201cput on\u201d:<br>In most Ashkenazi communities men begin wearing the tallit at marriage. However, the Yekkes (German and Austrian Jewish communities) as well as Sephardic and Mizrahi Jews begin earlier.&nbsp;Some begin at early adolescence, while others begin at Bar Mitzvah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"batmitzvah\">Bat Mitzvah<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>As for Bat Mitzvah, in Orthodox communities, women or girls do not have an Aliyah<a id=\"_ednref25\" href=\"#_edn25\"><sup>[25]<\/sup><\/a>, or put on a tallit<a id=\"_ednref26\" href=\"#_edn26\"><sup>[26]<\/sup><\/a> or tefillin<a id=\"_ednref27\" href=\"#_edn27\"><sup>[27]<\/sup><\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In Sephardic communities, the girl\u2019s father does recite the blessing of Baruch Shepatrani<a id=\"_ednref28\" href=\"#_edn28\"><sup>[28]<\/sup><\/a>. (However, the daughter does not need to be present.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In general though, the manner of celebration is more open-ended. In some families, the girl performs the mitzvah of <em>hafrashat challah<\/em>, a mitzvah that is specifically associated with women. (<em>Hafrashat challah<\/em> involves separating a small amount from a sizeable portion of dough, meant to give to <em>kohanim <\/em>[Jewish priests]. Practically speaking, nowadays, because of issues of ritual impurity, the separated dough is actually burned<a id=\"_ednref29\" href=\"#_edn29\"><sup>[29]<\/sup><\/a>. To read more about the mitzvah of Challah and its significance, see <a href=\"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/jewish-resources\/how-to-bake-challah\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/jewish-resources\/how-to-bake-challah\/<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/aish.com\/challah-the-divine-dough\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">https:\/\/aish.com\/challah-the-divine-dough<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/aish.com\/48936582\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">https:\/\/aish.com\/48936582\/<\/a>). However, as mentioned previously, there really is no official custom, or one right way to celebrate a Bat Mitzvah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Still, as mentioned above, if we are to make this occasion meaningful and spiritual, it should certainly be anchored in that kind of vibe, even while ensuring the young lady and her friends can relate to it on their level.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Bar vs. Bat Mitzvah: Significance and Celebrations by Rabbi Pinchos Fried<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-buttons is-layout-flex wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-button tm-cta\"><a class=\"wp-block-button__link wp-element-button\" href=\"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/junior\/participant-app.php\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Sign up now to learn more about the momentous occasion of becoming Bar\/Bat Mitzvah, with your personal TorahMate!<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-css-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\">\n<p><a id=\"_edn1\" href=\"#_ednref1\">[1]<\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Bavli_Kiddushin_63b&amp;s1=2\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Kiddushin 63b<\/a>, see Rashi and Tosafot there regarding the requirement of growing pubic hair; <a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Mishna_Avot_5:21&amp;s1=2\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Avot 5:21<\/a>; <a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Bavli_Niddah_45b&amp;s1=2\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Niddah 45b<\/a>. A different opinion appears there as well, in which the ages are reversed\u201412 for a boy and 13 for a girl.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a id=\"_edn2\" href=\"#_ednref2\">[2]<\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Bavli_Niddah_45b&amp;s1=2\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Niddah 45b<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a id=\"_edn3\" href=\"#_ednref3\">[3]<\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Bavli_Shabbat_89b&amp;s1=2\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Shabbat 89b<\/a>; <a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Yerushalmi_Bikkurim_2:1&amp;s1=2\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Yerushalmi Bikkurim 2:1<\/a>; Bamidbar Rabbah, Korach 18:4; Rashi on Parshat Chayei Sarah <a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Rashi_Bereshit_23:1&amp;s1=2\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">23:1<\/a>; Peirush Hamishnayot L\u2019haRambam <a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Rambam_Commentary_on_the_Mishna_Sanhedrin_7:4\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Sanhedrin 7:4<\/a>.<br>Various Acharonim (later Torah commentaries) grapple with this: See Chacham Tzvi 49, Chavot Yair 166, Noda B\u2019Yehudah <a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Teshuvot_Noda_Bihuda_Mahadura_Tinyana_Yoreh_Deah_164\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Tinyana Y.D. 164<\/a>, She&#8217;eilot U\u2019Teshuvot Chatam Sofer <a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Teshuvot_Chatam_Sofer_Yoreh_Deah_155\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Y.D. 155<\/a>, Nachal Kidumim by the Chidah in Parshat Chayei Sarah, and Pardet Yosef there, Maharitz Chiyut Moed Katan 28a, Daat Torah Y.D. 5:11 (From <a href=\"https:\/\/beinenu.com\/sites\/default\/files\/alonim\/231_38_78.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">https:\/\/beinenu.com\/sites\/default\/files\/alonim\/231_38_78.pdf<\/a>). See also <a href=\"https:\/\/daf-yomi.com\/DYItemDetails.aspx?itemId=50234\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">https:\/\/daf-yomi.com\/DYItemDetails.aspx?itemId=50234<\/a> which references <a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Bavli_Bava_Batra_156a&amp;s1=2\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Bava Batra 156a<\/a> to demonstrate that full intellectual maturity can be delayed until age 20.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a id=\"_edn4\" href=\"#_ednref4\">[4]<\/a> Z.Ch. Bereishit <em>daf <\/em>14<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a id=\"_edn5\" href=\"#_ednref5\">[5]<\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Magen_Avraham_Orach_Chayyim_225:4\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">225, 4<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a id=\"_edn6\" href=\"#_ednref6\">[6]<\/a> Z.Ch. Bereishit <em>daf <\/em>14<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a id=\"_edn7\" href=\"#_ednref7\">[7]<\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Bavli_Sanhedrin_91b&amp;s1=2\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Sanhedrin 91b<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a id=\"_edn8\" href=\"#_ednref8\">[8]<\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Avot_DeRabbi_Natan_16:2&amp;s1=2\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Avot D\u2019Rabbi Natan 16:2<\/a>. See also the Zohar above (<em>daf <\/em>14) which says that if a person chooses to be righteous, he receives a special lofty soul at Bar Mitzvah. The Zohar implies that this is the reason for celebration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a id=\"_edn9\" href=\"#_ednref9\">[9]<\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Bavli_Bava_Kamma_87a&amp;s1=2\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Bava Kama 87a<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a id=\"_edn10\" href=\"#_ednref10\">[10]<\/a> Three reasons are given for this: Tosafot (<a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Tosafot_Bava_Kamma_87a\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Ibid<\/a> and in <a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Tosafot_Avodah_Zarah_3a\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Avodah Zarah 3a<\/a>) explains that someone who must fulfill the mitzvot feels a pressure to do so; it\u2019s not optional for them. This feeling of responsibility earns them a reward in its own right. The Ritva (<a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Ritva_Kiddushin_31a\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Kiddushin 31a<\/a>) has two more explanations: 1. Being required to do something brings greater pushback from the Yetzer Hara (Evil Inclination), than doing it voluntarily. People are often happier to do something when they are doing it of their own volition. The extra measure of overcoming this inclination merits greater reward. 2. [In the name of the Rif] Hashem doesn\u2019t need our mitzvot. We are not doing him any favors. The merit of doing a mitzvah stems from the fact that we are fulfilling Hashem\u2019s command, and that alone. Hence, if someone is required to do a mitzvah, that is a greater fulfillment of Hashem\u2019s command than someone who isn\u2019t, even if it may be considered more admirable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a id=\"_edn11\" href=\"#_ednref11\">[11]<\/a> Bava Kama 7:37<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a id=\"_edn12\" href=\"#_ednref12\">[12]<\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Bar_and_bat_mitzvah\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Bar_and_bat_mitzvah<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a id=\"_edn13\" href=\"#_ednref13\">[13]<\/a> See <a href=\"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/jewish-resources\/the-role-of-women-in-judaism\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/jewish-resources\/the-role-of-women-in-judaism\/<\/a> for a broader discussion of this topic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a id=\"_edn14\" href=\"#_ednref14\">[14]<\/a> Orach Chaim section 1:104<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"#_ednref15\" id=\"_edn15\">[15]<\/a> O.C. section 2, 97. See his explanation there as to why in fact the custom has not been to make a celebration for a Bat Mitzvah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a id=\"_edn16\" href=\"#_ednref16\">[16]<\/a> See Tzitz Eliezer chelek 18, siman 33. Among other issues, he invokes the lack of <em>tzniut <\/em>(modesty) of publicly displaying a young woman as the center of attention, and the licentious thoughts that can trigger among male participants. It should be noted that at a female-only celebration, this would possibly not be an issue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a id=\"_edn17\" href=\"#_ednref17\">[17]<\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Yechiel_Yaakov_Weinberg\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Yechiel_Yaakov_Weinberg<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"#_ednref18\" id=\"_edn18\">[18]<\/a> Chelek 2, 39<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"#_ednref19\" id=\"_edn19\">[19]<\/a> Chelek 6, O.C. 29, 4<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a id=\"_edn20\" href=\"#_ednref20\">[20]<\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=0q2tb-V-tx8\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=0q2tb-V-tx8<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=Py90Fsjq_8s\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=Py90Fsjq_8s<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"#_ednref21\" id=\"_edn21\">[21]<\/a> Both R\u2019 Moshe Feinstein, and the Sridei Aish quoted above agree that a Bat Mitzvah celebration should not be held in a shul (synagogue).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a id=\"_edn22\" href=\"#_ednref22\">[22]<\/a> Magen Avraham (<a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Magen_Avraham_Orach_Chayyim_225:5\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">OC 225:5<\/a>). He also quotes the Levush (OC 225) who writes that the reason for this&nbsp;<em>brachah&nbsp;<\/em>is because the father is relieved that his adult son will no longer be punished as a result of his father\u2019s misdeeds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a id=\"_edn23\" href=\"#_ednref23\">[23]<\/a> The source of this custom is unknown to me. It may be a recent innovation. There <em>is<\/em> an old custom of throwing candy or \u201c<em>pekalach<\/em>\u201d (nosh bags) at a groom, which is partially sourced in the Talmud (<a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Bavli_Ketubot_15b&amp;s1=2\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Ketubot 15b<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a id=\"_edn24\" href=\"#_ednref24\">[24]<\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Bavli_Menachot_35b&amp;s1=2\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Menachot 35b<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a id=\"_edn25\" href=\"#_ednref25\">[25]<\/a> This is based on the Talmud, in <a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Bavli_Megillah_23a&amp;s1=2\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Megillah 23a<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a id=\"_edn26\" href=\"#_ednref26\">[26]<\/a> Rema O.C. 17:2. (See also Igrot Moshe O.C. Vol 4 <em>siman <\/em>49 who explains that women can actually wear a four-cornered garment which is clearly feminine (as opposed to a typical tallit) and place tzitzit on it, if they wish to, PROVIDED they are doing it out of a genuine desire to fulfill a mitzvah, and not to challenge the Torah. It\u2019s not clear to me why the Igrot Moshe does not mention the Rema who apparently disagrees.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a id=\"_edn27\" href=\"#_ednref27\">[27]<\/a> As per Shulchan Aruch <a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Shulchan_Arukh_Orach_Chayyim_38:3\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">O.C. 38:3<\/a>. See <a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Magen_Avraham_Orach_Chayyim_38:3\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Magen Avraham<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Arukh_HaShulchan_Orach_Chayyim_38:3\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Aruch Hashulchan<\/a> there. See <a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Kaf_HaChayyim_Orach_Chayyim_38:3\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Kaf Hachaim<\/a> for a Kabbalah-based reason for this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"#_ednref28\" id=\"_edn28\">[28]<\/a> See Yabia Omer&nbsp;O.C. 6:29<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a id=\"_edn29\" href=\"#_ednref29\">[29]<\/a> See Midrash Rabbah, <a href=\"https:\/\/library.alhatorah.org\/?r1=Bereshit_Rabbah_17:8\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Bereishit 17:8<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>By Rabbi Pinchos Fried Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah What is the significance of becoming Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah? How should these occasions be celebrated? And is there a [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":11836,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"sfsi_plus_gutenberg_text_before_share":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_show_text_before_share":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_icon_type":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_icon_alignemt":"","sfsi_plus_gutenburg_max_per_row":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[35,8,701,695],"tags":[13,769],"class_list":["post-11690","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-guides","category-judaism-101","category-mitzvot","category-torah-study","tag-articles","tag-bas-mitzvah"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v20.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Bar vs. Bat Mitzvah: Significance and Celebrations - Jewish Resources<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What is the significance of becoming Bar vs. Bat Mitzvah? 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