{"id":12748,"date":"2025-07-04T15:45:39","date_gmt":"2025-07-04T15:45:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/jewish-resources\/?p=12748"},"modified":"2025-07-09T14:18:58","modified_gmt":"2025-07-09T14:18:58","slug":"bite-your-tongue-make-yourself-mute","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/jewish-resources\/bite-your-tongue-make-yourself-mute\/","title":{"rendered":"Bite Your Tongue"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Selective Mute<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The Gemara in Chulin (89a<\/a>) quotes R\u2019 Yitzchak explaining a verse in Tehillim (58:2<\/a>) that one\u2019s vocation in the world should be to make himself as a mute. This does not, he adds, extend to words of Torah, for those should be spoken, but one who does so should not become haughty about it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But what does it mean to make himself as a mute? It means that one should be in the habit of not speaking<\/a>. Really, we should be thinking before we speak<\/a>, and odds are, if we do, we will not say anything. I\u2019ve actually been working on this and noticed a few good examples.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Silence is Golden<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I am on a minyan <\/em>chat for Newark airport, and someone sent a picture of a Tallit which had been left folded over a seat in the airport. He posed the question, \u201cDid anyone leave this here?\u201d Instantly, the answer came to my mind. \u201cYes!\u201d I mean, obviously, someone left it there. Generally, Talleitim don\u2019t materialize in transportation centers by themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I knew he meant \u201cDid anyone seeing this picture leave it there; I\u2019m alerting you that I saw it so you can get it before you leave.\u201d But he did word it improperly, allowing for the humorous(?) response I wanted to give. But as I paused to think about it, what was the point? I\u2019d make a silly joke. The poster would likely be annoyed, and it wouldn\u2019t help return the object to the one who lost it. More than that, everyone else would be stuck with a text message they didn\u2019t need to get and it would interrupt their day. For what? I desisted and didn\u2019t reply.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On a different minyan chat, this one for my local shul, there had been talk of a later Shacharit minyan <\/em>during school break. Someone asked, \u201cAre we having a later minyan for the younger folk?\u201d I was tempted to respond, \u201cYes, it\u2019s called Minchah.\u201d But I didn\u2019t. It\u2019s a silly joke and a waste of people\u2019s time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Speaking: A Craft for the Skilled<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

They say it\u2019s better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool, than open it and remove all doubt. In these cases, by being quiet, I wasn\u2019t thought of as a fool at all, but I would have, had I said something. That\u2019s what R\u2019 Yitzchak was talking about. And there\u2019s more to it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Knowing when to say something<\/a> or not to say something takes practice, just like someone with a skilled trade. It requires thought and sensitivity, as well as a certain amount of anticipating the results of what you say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No More Awkward Situations<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s say you were invited to a neighbor\u2019s simcha<\/em>. You don\u2019t want to drive by yourself, so you call a neighbor and ask about carpooling. They tell you they don\u2019t know what you\u2019re referring to, as they didn\u2019t receive any invitation. Now you feel bad, you\u2019ve possibly caused hard feelings, and you still have to drive yourself. Had you been a practiced mute, you would have either driven alone, or asked the baal<\/em> simcha <\/em>(host of the occasion) who else was invited that you might ride with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re having a conversation with someone and you want to tell a story, ask yourself if all the details are necessary. I was once speaking to someone and wanted to tell them about the clever gift my daughters had gotten me. But guess what? That person doesn\u2019t have any children. If I mention my daughters, it doesn\u2019t make the story any more powerful, and can make him feel bad. Instead, I said, \u201cI saw a great mug which said\u2026\u201d the point was made, he heard the joke and laughed, and my words didn\u2019t cause him pain. How\u2019s that for surgical precision?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why Take Chances?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I was in shul in Israel and saw a family friend at a minyan close to 9am. I had just come from the airport, but as he was in Kollel and lived some distance away, I was surprised to see him there. Later, when I ran into his wife, I didn\u2019t mention that I had seen him at shul. I worried that perhaps his attendance at a later minyan<\/em> would upset her, as if he was shirking his responsibilities. It\u2019s completely possible that she knew he went, or wouldn\u2019t care, but how could a professional take a chance like that?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Most Powerful Weapon<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I think that\u2019s what R\u2019 Yitzchak was getting at. We are empowered by Hashem (God) with the ability to speak<\/a>. When I got my driver\u2019s license, my mother a\u201dh<\/em> (may she rest in peace) reminded me that I was now controlling a three-thousand-pound weapon, and had to be careful. Our mouths are much more powerful. It\u2019s a pity people can\u2019t have their speaking privileges revoked for reckless talking, but so it is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You have a powerful weapon which is also a powerful tool, so take R\u2019 Yitzchak\u2019s advice and learn how to use it for best results. Trust me, it won\u2019t hurt a bit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n
Want to learn more about the laws of proper speech? Join TorahMates today to learn from home, with your own study partner!<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

By Rabbi Jonathan Gewirtz<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rabbi Gewirtz (Operation Inspiration<\/a>) welcomes comments and feedback. Write to him at info@JewishSpeechWriter.com<\/a> to share your thoughts. You never know when you may be the lamp that enlightens someone else.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Selective Mute The Gemara in Chulin (89a) quotes R\u2019 Yitzchak explaining a verse in Tehillim (58:2) that one\u2019s vocation in the world should be to make himself as a mute. 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