{"id":14942,"date":"2026-02-03T16:38:56","date_gmt":"2026-02-03T16:38:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/jewish-resources\/?p=14942"},"modified":"2026-02-03T16:38:57","modified_gmt":"2026-02-03T16:38:57","slug":"helping-the-helpless","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/jewish-resources\/helping-the-helpless\/","title":{"rendered":"Helping the Helpless"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Ask the Rabbi with Rabbi Chaim Mintz<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
\n

There is someone in my life whom I am constantly helping<\/a>, but he never makes any effort to help himself. How do I deal with this situation? How can I help him become more self-sufficient?<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Rabbi Chaim Mintz responds<\/strong>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is difficult to give a complete answer to this question, because the right approach depends on the circumstances of each situation.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Identify the Root of the Problem<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The first thing to consider is why the person is acting this way. This kind of behavior is not normal. Most people want to be independent and don\u2019t want to feel like a nebach<\/em>, a pitiful person who cannot manage on his own. So, if someone does behave this way, there must be a reason. It might be a lack of confidence in his abilities, or he might have been spoiled in his upbringing<\/a> and never learned how to take care of things. Identifying the root of the problem is essential, because your response should be tailored to address it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What is Your Relationship?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Another consideration is your relationship with the person. The way you address this issue will be very different if it is your child, a relative, or a friend. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Practical Strategies<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

However, there are some strategies that can help in any situation. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Encourage Independence<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

You can start by explaining to him the value of being independent and self-sufficient<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Get Him Involved<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Then, try to gradually involve him in taking care of his own needs. You could begin by having him join you when you are doing things for him. Get him to \u201chelp you help him.\u201d For example, if you are going to the store for him, instead of having him sit on the couch while you handle everything, invite him to come with you, and shop together. He does not have to complete entire tasks on his own yet, but he should at least be actively involved in addressing his own needs.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Highlight His Strengths<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Additionally, whenever he does take action on his own, make a point to notice and compliment him. This is especially important if he lacks confidence in his abilities<\/a>. Highlight his strengths and tell him when he does something well. Recognizing his successes in this way can give him the confidence to try new things independently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In Short <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

To fully address this, you need to understand the cause of\u00a0his\u00a0behavior and consider your relationship with\u00a0him. In general, a good first step is to have\u00a0him\u00a0join you when you help\u00a0him,\u00a0and to compliment and encourage\u00a0him\u00a0whenever he does\u00a0something well.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n
Learn more about the Torah approach to personal relationships with a study partner. Sign up to TorahMates today!<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Written by Rabbi Aaron Shapiro<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have another question to ask a rabbi<\/a>? You can ask Rabbi Mintz your own question by joining Ask the Rabbi Live on Tuesdays at 9PM ET. You can also submit your questions to asktherabbi@oorah.org<\/a>, or head to oorah.org\/asktherabbi\/<\/a> to watch the latest Q&As.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ask the Rabbi with Rabbi Chaim Mintz There is someone in my life whom I am constantly helping, but he never makes any effort to help himself. How do I deal with this situation? 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