{"id":15962,"date":"2026-06-15T14:59:28","date_gmt":"2026-06-15T14:59:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/jewish-resources\/?p=15962"},"modified":"2026-06-15T16:01:18","modified_gmt":"2026-06-15T16:01:18","slug":"escorting-ones-parent-to-the-grave-an-ancient-jewish-burial-custom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/jewish-resources\/escorting-ones-parent-to-the-grave-an-ancient-jewish-burial-custom\/","title":{"rendered":"Escorting One\u2019s Parent to the Grave: An Ancient Jewish Burial Custom?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

<\/path><\/svg><\/span><\/span>Estimated reading time: <\/span>3<\/span> minutes<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ask the Rabbi with Rabbi Chaim Mintz<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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When my father passed away, he was buried in\u00a0Jerusalem<\/a>. I traveled there to be part of the funeral, but when it came time to escort the coffin to the grave, I was shocked to learn that, as a child of the deceased, I was not allowed to go\u00a0to the cemetery. Is this really a thing? Do I have to follow it? Why have I never heard of anything like this in America?<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

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Rabbi Chaim Mintz responds<\/strong>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This isn\u2019t a halachah<\/em> (Torah law), but it is a minhag<\/em> (custom) that is rooted in Kabbalah<\/em> (Jewish mysticism). Like many ancient Jewish burial customs, the custom is observed in Eretz Yisrael (Israel) but rarely practiced outside of it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why Is This Practice Observed in Israel?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In general, there is a higher prevalence of kabbalistic customs in Eretz Yisrael. The Arizal and his disciples, who settled the land centuries ago, were deeply involved in Kabbalah, and although they were based in Tzefat, their kabbalistic influence spread throughout the land. Although today\u2019s community is much less kabbalistic, these customs have already been firmly established, and we continue to observe them as the minhag<\/em> of the land. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Kabbalistic Reason Behind This Ancient Burial Custom<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

As for the reason behind this specific custom, while we\u00a0can\u2019t\u00a0fully explore the deep kabbalistic ideas here, broadly speaking, a person\u2019s actions create malachim<\/em> (angels). Mitzvot\u00a0produce good angels<\/a>, while aveirot <\/em>produce harmful ones. These negative angels seek\u00a0to\u00a0accompany\u00a0the deceased\u00a0to the grave, bringing him great distress. In a spiritual sense, they are like his children\u2014creations that\u00a0emerged\u00a0from him. If his actual children attend the burial, it signals permission for\u00a0his \u201cspiritual children\u201d\u2014these angels\u2014<\/em>to do likewise. But if the children are held back, that restriction extends to the angels as well, shielding the deceased from the harm they might cause.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Following Local Jewish Burial Customs<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

We are\u00a0very careful\u00a0to\u00a0observe\u00a0the minhag\u00a0hamakom<\/em>\u2014the\u00a0custom of the place\u00a0we\u2019re\u00a0in. Even if a custom sounds strange, it has a source, and was\u00a0established\u00a0and followed by great people,\u00a0and we\u00a0don\u2019t\u00a0have the\u00a0right to change\u00a0it. This is true of all minhagim<\/em>, but especially those related to cemeteries and burial. The\u00a0kabbalists explain that violating cemetery customs disturbs and upsets the souls of those buried there, potentially causing problems for the person being buried.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Therefore, when burying someone in\u00a0Jerusalem, you should be careful to follow the minhag<\/em>\u00a0and not follow the coffin. But in America, where this custom does not exist, you\u00a0don\u2019t\u00a0need to be concerned about\u00a0it\u00a0and you can attend the burial.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In Short <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

This is an actual kabbalistic custom\u00a0observed\u00a0mainly in\u00a0Eretz Yisroel. Its purpose is to keep harmful\u00a0angels away from the\u00a0deceased. You should follow the\u00a0minhag\u00a0of the place where the burial takes place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Written by Rabbi Aaron Shapiro<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have another question to ask a rabbi<\/a>? You can ask Rabbi Mintz your own question by joining Ask the Rabbi Live on Tuesdays at 9PM ET. You can also submit your questions to asktherabbi@oorah.org<\/a>, or head to oorah.org\/asktherabbi\/<\/a> to watch the latest Q&As.<\/p>\n\n\n\n