{"id":369,"date":"2013-08-20T15:54:37","date_gmt":"2013-08-20T15:54:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/18.191.22.100\/?p=207"},"modified":"2023-08-21T16:14:53","modified_gmt":"2023-08-21T16:14:53","slug":"jewish-jokes-of-the-week-parshas-ki-tavo","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/jewish-resources\/jewish-jokes-of-the-week-parshas-ki-tavo\/","title":{"rendered":"Jewish Jokes of the Week: Parshas Ki Tavo"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>In this week&#8217;s Torah portion, Moses tells the Jewish people that if they observe the commandments properly, G-d will destroy all of their enemies. In that spirit&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Who had the tallest family tree in history?<br>Haman. His family tree was 50 cubits tall!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Fast forward a few thousand years and another mortal enemy of the Jewish people met his death on the gallows: Saddam Hussein. Which brings us to the following joke:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There is a custom in many countries that the night before a prisoner is executed, he is given a choice of whatever food he wants and and much food as he wants for his last meal. The night before his execution, the prison guards offered Saddam Hussein a meal. They asked him, &#8220;Mr. Hussein, how much food would you like for your last supper?&#8221;<br>&#8220;I want a thousand pounds of food.&#8221;<br>They asked him, &#8220;Mr. Hussein, why so much?&#8221;<br>So Saddam answered, &#8220;I WOULD LIKE TO EAT LIKE THERE&#8217;S NO TOMORROW!&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The prison guards brought him a thousand pounds of food. After he finished eating, Saddam asked the guard for a <em>bencher<\/em> (a prayer book). The guard was puzzled. &#8220;What do you need a <em>bencher<\/em> for?&#8221;<br>Saddam Hussein smiled. &#8220;I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE MY BRACHA ACHARONA!&#8221; (after blessing, lit. last blessing.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>by Rabbi Yaakov Moskowitz<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In this week&#8217;s Torah portion, Moses tells the Jewish people that if they observe the commandments properly, G-d will destroy all of their enemies. In that spirit&#8230; Who had the [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"sfsi_plus_gutenberg_text_before_share":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_show_text_before_share":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_icon_type":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_icon_alignemt":"","sfsi_plus_gutenburg_max_per_row":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[41,9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-369","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-devarim","category-weekly-torah-portion"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v20.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Jewish Jokes of the Week: Parshas Ki Tavo - Jewish Resources<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/jewish-resources\/jewish-jokes-of-the-week-parshas-ki-tavo\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Jewish Jokes of the Week: Parshas Ki Tavo - Jewish Resources\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"In this week&#8217;s Torah portion, Moses tells the Jewish people that if they observe the commandments properly, G-d will destroy all of their enemies. 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