{"id":6223,"date":"2023-04-19T09:12:20","date_gmt":"2023-04-19T09:12:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/jewish-resources\/?p=6223"},"modified":"2023-08-17T14:58:21","modified_gmt":"2023-08-17T14:58:21","slug":"blast-from-the-past-ancient-advice-for-jewish-wives","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/jewish-resources\/blast-from-the-past-ancient-advice-for-jewish-wives\/","title":{"rendered":"Blast from the Past: Ancient Advice for Jewish Wives"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Recently, someone shared a copy of advice for wives which was published in a home economics book in 1950. It had things like, \u201cPlan ahead to have a nice dinner waiting on time. This is a way of showing him you\u2019ve been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.\u201d It suggests freshening up her make-up and being in a bright mood when he comes home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It included other tips like making sure the house is clean and quiet when husband comes home from work, and being glad to see him. Some \u201cdon\u2019ts\u201d included, \u201cDon\u2019t complain if he\u2019s late for dinner. Consider this minor compared to what he might have gone through during the day.\u201d The bottom line of the piece was that the wife should try to make their home a place where the husband can \u201crefresh his body and spirit.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ancient Perspective<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Needless to say, this advice from nearly 75 years ago aroused the ire of many. Women and even some men were outraged at this misogynistic approach to the home and marriage. What about the woman\u2019s feelings? What about the hard work she does? It seemed such an ancient perspective.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To me, it seemed even more ancient than simply the 1950\u2019s. It was reminiscent to me of the behavior of the righteous women in Egypt, through whose merit we were redeemed from the land where we\u2019d been enslaved for hundreds of years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The gemara tells us the women would fetch pails of water into which Hashem sent small fish. They would cook these fish, then go to their husbands in the fields and feed them, wash them, anoint<\/a> them, and soothe them with words. Many children were born as a result of this behavior and they were protected by Hashem\u2019s Divine presence to the point that when they crossed the Reed Sea on the seventh day after leaving Egypt, these children were able to point and say, \u201cThis is my G-d!\u201d because they recognized the Shechina.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, if we look at the actions of these women with 21st<\/sup> century eyes, we\u2019d say they were oppressed, repressed, and mistreated. Were they not working hard too? Especially since, according to the commentaries, women were given back-breaking labor in construction. To have to minister to their husbands on top of everything else, was to place an unfair burden on them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Righteous Wives<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

And yet, Chazal (Jewish sages of the Mishna and Talmud era) didn\u2019t see things that way. For some reason, they saw the ministering of women to their husbands as righteousness of the highest order, greater than anything the men did (I know\u2014no surprise there.<\/em>) So, what could Chazal have seen millennia ago that we are missing today? And how does that relate to what the author of the home ec article understood in the 1950\u2019s?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s look at this from the perspective of an Israelite woman in Egypt. Her life is drudgery, hard work, and danger. Her husband is always gloomy and bitter, her children are at risk, and the future holds nothing for them but more of the same. Sure, there was a promise of redemption at some point, but it\u2019s very hard to maintain that optimism when you\u2019ve never seen freedom in your life. There is absolutely nothing she can do to change her situation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, that last line isn\u2019t entirely true. In fact, there was a lot she could do, and the righteous women in Egypt did it. I\u2019d venture to say not all the women behaved as described in the gemara; only the very intelligent and strong ones. \u201cStrong women acting like that?!\u201d some might question, \u201cYou mean the subjugated women!\u201d Not at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Focusing On Others<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

To focus on your own desires, wants, and even needs, doesn\u2019t take strength. It\u2019s natural, and may actually highlight your own weaknesses. One who cannot live with unfulfilled desires is one who is subdued by them. One who is master of his desires, however, can subjugate those desires and focus instead on others, a much nobler calling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, chayecha kodmin<\/em>, your life takes precedence over others\u2019, but that\u2019s only when your life is actually at stake. When your life isn\u2019t on the line, isn\u2019t giving someone else what you wish you could have, a sign of your strength over your ego and of your love and concern for them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At a Pesach meal, my daughter asked me to pass a certain dip. I silently passed my plate, onto which I had just spooned some dip, across the table to her. She didn\u2019t realize that there was no more dip left, and that I gave her my portion because I knew she would enjoy it – which was more precious to me than my own enjoyment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Strong Women, Happy Husbands<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

That is what the strong women in Mitzrayim realized, and I think what the author of the tips for a happy husband may have intended. We can all give life to others by putting their needs first and understanding that they may be going through difficult times. Though we may be as well, it\u2019s better and more intelligent not to complain and burden others with our problems.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we focus on eliminating their burdens, we are showing that we are freer and more powerful than those who take whatever they want at the expense of others. It\u2019s possible we may end up having our needs met also, since those we care for will often become more settled and able to see our pain too, but even if not, we are emulating the wisdom and righteousness of those who came before us and earned Hashem\u2019s favor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, if we wish to move forward, we ought to take a few steps back and view things as they did in the olden days. We just may find they knew what they were talking about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By Rabbi Jonathan Gewirtz<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rabbi Gewirtz (Operation Inspiration<\/a>) welcomes comments and feedback. Write to him at info@JewishSpeechWriter.com<\/a> to share your thoughts. You never know when you may be the lamp that enlightens someone else.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n
LEARN MORE ABOUT THE TORAH WAY OF LIFE – JOIN TORAHMATES TODAY!<\/strong><\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Recently, someone shared a copy of advice for wives which was published in a home economics book in 1950. 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