{"id":7043,"date":"2023-08-22T18:29:15","date_gmt":"2023-08-22T18:29:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/jewish-resources\/?p=7043"},"modified":"2023-08-23T14:08:48","modified_gmt":"2023-08-23T14:08:48","slug":"set-in-our-ways","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.torahmates.org\/jewish-resources\/set-in-our-ways\/","title":{"rendered":"Set In Our Ways"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

There\u2019s an anecdote in my wife\u2019s family about how her uncle tried to give his father-in-law, her Zeidy Shmelka, directions to the Catskills that might avoid traffic. This was in the days before GPS when we couldn\u2019t take it for granted that we could get off at any side road and eventually get back on track when a lovely little computer voice said, \u201cTurn left.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, Uncle Moishy (her real uncle, not the singer) tried to explain the route options, but Zeidy would have none of it. A big-hearted Holocaust survivor who built a family in America through hard work and lots of shlepping (he sold beds and hi-risers and would often have to carry them up several flights of stairs in Brooklyn apartment houses), Zeidy liked to keep things simple. Throwing his hands up in the air, Zeidy said, \u201cI only know one G-d in Heaven, and I only know one way to the country!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if changing could have helped him, the thought of having to learn a new way that was unfamiliar was too daunting. He would rather sit in traffic and wait, than do something differently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another Way Out<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Well, one Friday, my wife told me she needed something by Sunday morning. It was maybe 20 or 25 minutes to Shabbos, and the store which had the item would not be open on Sunday. Ordering from Amazon would entail Shabbos delivery, which I wanted to avoid. I called the store and they had the item. As it is about 7 minutes from home, I quickly jumped into my car to go get it \u2013 l\u2019kavod Shabbos<\/em> (in honor of Shabbat).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The store was located in a small strip mall, and as I drove away from the door, item safely on the front seat next to me, I noticed a line of cars waiting for traffic to break so they could exit. \u201cThat\u2019s funny,\u201d I thought to myself. \u201cI thought there was an \u2018exit only\u2019 further down the lot\u2026\u201d With nothing to lose, since I would have to wait for the other cars anyway, I drove down the four or five stores and, sure enough, there was an exit. Sitting there unassumingly, with nobody lined up to use it, I managed to zip out through it, easily merging into traffic, and making it home in time to head to shul for the beginning of the Ashrei <\/em>prayer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As I did, I thought about the fact that the people trying to exit were following the crowd, and taking the accepted route out of the shopping strip. I\u2019m not sure whether they knew about the other exit, but even if they did, they may not have opted for it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Are we set in our ways or ready for change?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I reflected that so often in life we get set in our ways. We do things as we have always done them, even if it\u2019s time for a change. Perhaps we treat our kids as we did when they were toddlers, even though they\u2019re older and have different needs now. Maybe we daven as we did when we were in grade school, and never aspire to better communication with Hashem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We may do mitzvos as we\u2019ve done them day after day and year after year, not realizing that we\u2019re stuck in a rut and there\u2019s a better way. It could be our approach to work, our approach to relationships, or anything else. We\u2019re afraid to change things up and end up in unfamiliar territory, even if it might open up great new vistas for us. But guess what? There may be a better way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Part of being human – and part of being a Jew, especially – is growing, changing, and learning all the time. I\u2019ve often said that we don\u2019t call a wise and knowledgeable person a \u2018Chacham (wise person),\u2019 but a \u2018Talmid Chacham (wise student),\u2019 because the wise person remains a student for life. He realizes that there\u2019s always more to learn and understand. The ones who refuse to learn or consider that they might not know everything are not Talmidei Chachamim, and we should be wary before following them blindly. They may not be leading us down the best road.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don’t get stuck – life has so much to offer<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

If it would only cost a few extra minutes in the car, where you can still accomplish a lot, especially with the options for learning and listening to shiurim while traveling, that would be one thing. But sometimes we don\u2019t realize that we\u2019re getting ourselves stuck on a road where we won\u2019t have the option to detour for a while. Like the time I got on the express lanes of a highway and didn\u2019t realize there was an accident ahead. My daughter who was driving with her friend took the local lanes, and got home an hour before I did. When we become stuck on proceeding through life in a certain way because it\u2019s what we\u2019re familiar with, we can wind up missing so much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My takeaway is that we should keep our eyes open for options all the time, and recognize that just because we know this road, and everyone else seems to be doing it the same way, doesn\u2019t mean they, or we, are on the right track.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n
Want to learn more about Jewish philosophy? Join TorahMates today to learn Torah from home, with your own study partner!<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

By Rabbi Jonathan Gewirtz<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rabbi Gewirtz (Operation Inspiration<\/a>) welcomes comments and feedback. Write to him at info@JewishSpeechWriter.com<\/a> to share your thoughts. You never know when you may be the lamp that enlightens someone else.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There\u2019s an anecdote in my wife\u2019s family about how her uncle tried to give his father-in-law, her Zeidy Shmelka, directions to the Catskills that might avoid traffic. 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