Ask the Rabbi with Rabbi Chaim Mintz
What should parents do when they can’t afford the luxuries their children see others enjoying—whether because they’ve chosen a spiritually meaningful career, like studying and teaching Torah, instead of one that pays more, or because they simply have a modest job?
Rabbi Chaim Mintz responds:
A person who works in klei kodesh (work in religious field)—whether he is studying Torah full-time or teaching and serving the community, must fill his home with pride for what he does. He and his family live comfortably, even if not extravagantly, and they have what they need. Yes, he could have chosen a higher-paying career path and lived with more luxury.
But he chose something far greater: to study and spread Torah and make a real difference in people’s lives.
Money Cant Buy It
That choice gives them something no money can buy, closeness to Hashem in this world and the next. It is important that the family understands that whatever spiritual greatness the father attains as head of the household elevates the entire home, so they share in this closeness to Hashem as well.
When that pride fills the home, the children won’t feel they’re missing out when they see others with fancier things; they’ll know they possess something far richer.
This Is For Everyone
Someone who has a regular job that provides a modest salary must still instill the proper values and ideals in the home. Life is not about money; it’s about serving Hashem (God) and keeping mitzvot. Their lives are full of richness: Shabbat, learning Torah, and acts of kindness. These are the things that make life meaningful and give it real significance.
It’s also important to teach the right attitude toward happiness. What is true happiness? Driving the latest model car or wearing the newest fashion in clothing doesn’t make someone truly happy. That kind of satisfaction is fleeting and artificial, who knows if there is true happiness in that home?
Home Is Where The Heart Is
In contrast, a home that is warm, loving, and stable, where people get along and live with Torah values, brings far more lasting happiness than any new furniture or luxury item ever could.
The key for parents is to focus on and bring out the richness that already exists in the home, while actively downplaying the superficial values that Western culture promotes.
A new piece of furniture or a trendy item might feel exciting for a few days, and then what are you left with? If the home emphasizes the things that truly matter: warmth, stability, and a life of Torah and mitzvot, and makes it clear that material luxury is not important, your children won’t feel like they’re losing out.
They will feel pride and recognize the richness of what they already have.
In Short:
Parents in klei kodesh should convey to their children pride in choosing something far more valuable than money—a life dedicated to Torah and the closeness it brings to Hashem. Parents with regular jobs should show their children what truly matters—Torah and mitzvot—and that real happiness comes from a home filled with warmth, love, stability, and Torah values, rather than hollow material things.
Written by Rabbi Aaron Shapiro
Have another question to ask a rabbi? You can ask Rabbi Mintz your own question by joining Ask the Rabbi Live on Tuesdays at 9PM ET. You can also submit your questions to asktherabbi@oorah.org, or head to oorah.org/asktherabbi/ to watch the latest Q&As.
