Finding Yitzchak a Wife
In Parshat Chayei Sarah, Avraham sends his trusted servant Eliezer on a mission to find a wife for his son Yitzchak. Avraham gives clear instructions: she can’t be from the people of Canaan. Eliezer has to travel to Avraham’s hometown of Padan Aram and find a girl from his family.
Eliezer sets out on his journey with ten camels loaded with valuables. Why so many camels? After all, Avraham already wrote a document that all his wealth would go to Yitzchak.
One reason is that Eliezer wasn’t traveling alone. The Torah hints that he was traveling with ten men, giving each man a camel to ride on. When Yitzchak and Rivka would get engaged, it would be the first step of marriage, called erusin. And for that, you need a minyan. Eliezer brought ten men to make sure he had a minyan.
The Test:
But the part of the story that really stands out is what happens when Eliezer reaches the well. He sets up a test: the right girl for Yitzchak would offer him a drink, and also offer water for his camels. That would show that she’s the right match for Yitzchak.
Rivka is by the well when Eliezer arrives. She offers Eliezer water, and then draws water for all the camels until they’ve had enough. She passes the test!
But what about the ten men? Did she offer them water too?
The Torah doesn’t spell that information out. But later, when Eliezer retells the story to Rivka’s family, he says she offered water “also to me, and also to the camels.” That word also teaches us that Rivka gave water to everyone, including the ten men.
Quality Over Quantity
So why didn’t the Torah say that straight out? Giving water to ten strong men in the hot sun is no small job! She could have said that they were capable of serving themselves, but she didn’t. Shouldn’t that be glorified and praised?
Here lies the Torah’s lesson: in the world of chessed (kindness), quality matters more than quantity.
Everyone does chessed. But Rivka did chessed with seichel, with thoughtfulness and sensitivity. Eliezer drank first, and only after he had finished did she begin giving water to the camels. Why? Perhaps Eliezer might have felt uncomfortable drinking, thinking he was holding her up. Rivka waited, allowing him to drink with ease, with dignity.
A Step Above
Not only that, but think about the water itself. Once Eliezer drank from her jug, it would no longer be suitable for Rivka to use the remanence and bring it back home to her family. It was germy. A stranger drank from it. She couldn’t dump out the leftovers in front of Eliezer; that would be offensive. So instead, she redirected the remaining water to the camels. Again, she could have stopped after that, but she continued giving the camels until they were fully satisfied. This was done so Eliezer shouldn’t think she gave the camels to drink only to get rid of his leftovers. Again, we see her sensitivity
No Expectations
Eliezer decided Rivka was the right girl for Yitzchak but he waited to give her the gifts until after the camels finished drinking. He wanted to see: was she expecting anything in return? Was her kindness a calculated move to gain reward? But Rivka showed no such inclination. Her kindness was pure.
And still, the Torah hides her incredible effort toward the ten men. Why? Because as we’re learning, true chessed is about nuances, the small details that show thought. Eliezer was Avraham’s trusted servant, a man of stature, deserving of honor. The ten men, though part of the mission, were not such important people and therefore not deserving of the same respect.
Treated Accordingly
Rivka treated Eliezer with more respect than the ten men, not because Eliezer neede more honor, but because each person deserves to be treated according to their status.
True chessed is what you give an how you give it: with thought, respect, and care that preserves the other person’s dignity.
The Gemara tells us that one who gives money to a poor person receives six blessings. One who gives no money but offers kind words, words that uplift and restore dignity, receives eleven blessings. When both are done together, seventeen blessings are bestowed. Why does the person who gives no money get more blessings? Because chessed is measured by impact.
Rivka’s greatness was measured in her sensitivity, her discretion, and her wisdom. She was the perfect match for Yitzchak, and the perfect partner to carry forward the legacy of Avraham with chesed as a lifestyle, rooted in thoughtfulness, in knowing how to help someone without compromising their worth.
That’s the kind of chessed the Torah highlights for us to learn from.
Written by RL Breski; based on the teachings of Rabbi D. Zahn
