Ask the Rabbi with Rabbi Chaim Mintz
My young son expressed interest in coming with me to shul (synagogue). Is it appropriate to bring young children, who don’t yet know how to pray, to shul, just for them to watch and experience the davening (prayers)? And what if there is no one else at home to watch them? Can I bring them with me to shul so that I can pray with a minyan (quorum of ten men), or should I daven at home?
Rabbi Chaim Mintz responds:
The Severity of Disrupting Prayer
Under no circumstances may children be brought to shul if they will disrupt the prayers. If that means staying home and forgoing praying with a minyan, that’s what must be done. When you’re the only one available to watch your children and they’re not yet ready to sit quietly in shul, staying home is your way of serving Hashem in that situation.
The prohibition against disturbing others’ prayers is so severe that if your child starts making noise, you must stop—even in the middle of your own Shemoneh Esrei (Amidah prayer)—to quiet or remove him. As a rule, a person must not interrupt his Shemoneh Esrei, even if a king greets him or a snake is wrapped around his heel (Mishnah Berachot 5:1), as long as it is clear that his life is not in danger. Yet for a child who is disrupting the congregation, one must stop immediately.
The Reality of Bringing Young Children
Even if your child sits quietly at first, it won’t last long. Since he is not yet able to engage in the prayers in a meaningful way, once the novelty wears off, he will quickly become bored and look for something else to do. He will find other children to play with and soon begin running around and making noise.
The Child’s Experience Matters
Even if you can ensure that your child will not disturb others, it is not beneficial to the young child to have him sit through the whole davening. He will not enjoy sitting for so long and will become bored and frustrated. The last thing we want is for him to associate davening in shul with such negative feelings.
A Better Approach
Rather than bringing him for the entire prayers, have him attend for a short time, when something exciting is happening. For example, he can be there when the Torah is being removed from the Ark, and you can bring him over to kiss it. Or he can come to watch it being held aloft during hagbahah (the lifting of the Torah scroll). Alternatively, he could come toward the end of the davening, answer amen to the Kaddish (prayer to sanctify God’s name), and then stay for the kiddush afterwards. These short, exciting experiences can give him a positive connection to shul without overwhelming him.
In Short
Children should not be brought to shul if they will disrupt the prayers, and you should stay home and miss davening with a minyan rather than disturb the prayers. If a child is not yet able to pray and enjoy the prayers, have him come for a short time to experience exciting moments, like kissing the Torah or watching it being lifted. Or he can come for the end of davening and stay for the kiddush.
Written by Rabbi Aaron Shapiro
Have another question to ask a rabbi? You can ask Rabbi Mintz your own question by joining Ask the Rabbi Live on Tuesdays at 9PM ET. You can also submit your questions to asktherabbi@oorah.org, or head to oorah.org/asktherabbi/ to watch the latest Q&As.
