God-Given Looks
I don’t know about you, but over my lifetime, I’ve struggled with my weight. When I was young, (so I’m told), I was very skinny. Then, as I grew up, I also grew outward. Now, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with being overweight, especially since it may not be in your control.
There is a famous Gemara in Nida which says that before a baby is born, a malach (angel) takes it to Hashem (God) and asks what the nature of the person will be. Essentially, there is a decree from Hashem at that moment, whether they will be tall or short, smart or foolish, rich or poor, and so on. That means if you have looks, money, or brains, that came to you from Hashem, and it isn’t something for you to pat yourself on the back for. (See Yirmiyahu 9:22)
However, there is another appearance of this angel in the Midrash Tanchuma. In that version, Hashem also decrees whether the person will be thin or thick, i.e. fat. That’s where I acknowledge that it was Hashem who decided I should be heavy, and I don’t beat myself up about it. Of course, there are those who tell me, “Yeah, but you don’t have to be machmir (strict) on the decree!”
Weight Loss
Well, I do try to be healthy, and I have lost weight. You know, in my late teens, I lost 150 pounds. Yup. I lost the same 3 pounds, about 50 times.
A few years ago, though, I did manage to lose a significant amount of weight, and I’ve mostly kept it off. Of course, I had to get new clothing, but I figured I’d hold onto some of the old stuff. I ended up leaving a suit jacket at a relative’s home so I could use it as a davening (praying) jacket when I visited.
The Jacket Grew?!
On a recent visit, I wore the jacket, but I noticed something. Whereas it used to be very comfortable to wear, now it was too large and ill-fitting to enjoy. It still served its purpose in being a designated clothing item for prayer, but the sleeves were too long, I couldn’t close the button because if I did it was ballooning out in the front, and it was just bothersome to wear.
To be honest, I tried on an old Tallit, and even THAT was too big on me. It felt bulky and hit the floor much more than when I had more mass between my head and my feet. It occurred to me that this was an interesting perspective.
I had clothing that was perfectly tailored to my needs, which laid nicely and was fitted to me – or, at least, to who I was at the time. Now, though, I had changed (for the better) and it no longer suited me. When I changed the inside, the outside was incompatible.
In life, we get into habits that fit who we are. Whether it’s our ways of speaking, acting, dressing, or even our service of Hashem, they seem to fit who we are. In fact, at that point they do. But if we aspire to improve and change ourselves for the better, they may no longer fit. Far from being a bad thing, it’s good, because you aren’t likely to revert once they don’t match the new you and even bother you.
A New Outfit
When I was in grade school, people used vulgar language, and I wasn’t immune to it. You do what your peers do, and I picked up the bad habit. One day, I decided I was going to change. I had actually seen a non-Jewish boy, several years younger than me, who was playing baseball and someone hit him with a bat by accident. He wasn’t badly injured, but the stream of obscenities pouring from his mouth made me realize how terrible and lowly this behavior was. I started there.
These days, when I work in a world where such words are commonplace, it pains me to hear them. It is so noticeable, in fact, that colleagues will actually apologize and work to control their mouths when they see me or know I’m listening. They don’t know that I used to fit into that outfit, and I’m glad it no longer suits me.
The Free-Will Point
R’ Dessler discusses this as the “nekudat habechira,” the free-will point. There are some things that you may have had to fight to avoid which you now don’t have to think twice about, like the vulgar language. If not speaking Lashon Hara (gossip) was a challenge for you, and you spent the time to study its laws and consider your words, at some point you likely found yourself realizing those mean things don’t fit you anymore. They’re bothersome to you and you want to be comfortable in the new way you speak.
What I realized is that when we find things are perfect the way they are; that we are happy with the way we live and serve Hashem, that’s only because of who we are today. However, if we strive to be better each day, then eventually our old selves will be unrecognizable, and the behaviors we dressed ourselves in will look comical even to ourselves.
It’s very rewarding to make the effort and be able to look back and say, “I can’t believe that ever fit me; I’m so glad that it doesn’t now.”
By Rabbi Jonathan Gewirtz
Rabbi Gewirtz (Operation Inspiration) welcomes comments and feedback. Write to him at info@JewishSpeechWriter.com to share your thoughts. You never know when you may be the lamp that enlightens someone else.
