“וְיִשְׂרָאֵל אָהַב אֶת יוֹסֵף מִכׇּל בָּנָיו כִּי בֶן זְקֻנִים הוּא לוֹ וְעָשָׂה לוֹ כְּתֹנֶת פַּסִּים”
And Yisrael (Yaakov) loved Yosef more than all his sons because he was a son of his old age, and he made him a long sleeved tunic.
Bereishit 37:3
“They (the brothers) could not speak to him (Yosef) peacefully.” Many assume the brothers hated Yosef because he spoke lashon hara on them. Yosef saw his brothers acting in a was he thought was wrong, so he told their father Yaakov on them. But the Pasuk says clearly that the bad feelings started because Yaakov loved Yosef best, because of the favoritism.
What Did He See?
What did Yosef see? He saw his brothers eating a moving animal and assumed they were eating a live animal – ever min hachai. He heard his brothers calling their step-brothers “slaves”, and thought that was wrong. And he thought that his brothers were acting immorally, when they were not.
So he told Yaakov. He did this l’toeles, for a constructive purpose, so his brothers would correct their ways.
Yosef is punished because of this Lashon Hara that he said. But why was he so severely punished if his intentions were pure? What did he do wrong?
He was punished not because his intention was bad, but because his judgment was.
Bad Speech
The laws of Lashon Hara (bad speech) teach that when we see someone acting incorrectly, we must first go over to that person and try to speak to him. Only if that doesn’t work are we allowed to tell a mentor or parent if we think they will be able to help.
Yosef never discussed what he saw with his brothers, he went immediately to his father. Had he first spoken to his brothers with a curious approach, he would have been able to prevent all the accusations. But in Yosef’s mind, he didn’t put these sins past his brothers. He already decided it was their “type” to act that way.
And once he decided that, it was as if it happened.
But the tragedy doesn’t stop there. The brothers also jumped to conclusions. They heard Yosef’s dreams about the sun and stars, that Yosef would be a king and rule over them. They didn’t ask him about it. They assumed that “he wants to erase us from Klal Yisroel (the nation of Israel).” They labeled him a rodef, a pursuer. According to their judgment, killing him became justified as the law dictates:
אִם בָּא לְהוֹרְגְּךָ הַשְׁכֵּם לְהוֹרְגוֹ
If someone comes to kill you, rise and kill him first.
Bavli Sanhedrin 72a
They didn’t speak to him, they just decided.
Speak It Out
Even when the tension reached its breaking point, they didn’t go to Yaakov to discuss the situation. Why? Because they assumed he wouldn’t be objective. “He loves Yosef too much, he’ll never hear us out.” Yaakov would never do that! But the brothers ever gave truth a chance.
Everyone in this story suffered because of assumptions. Yosef assumed. The brothers assumed. The meforshim say that the sale of Yosef is the root of all sins between man and man. We decide why people did something. We decide what they meant. We decide their motives.
All without ever asking. And how many times are we wrong?
The takeaway from Parshas Vayeishev is a powerful lesson for us Before we speak, verify. Before we judge, clarify. Before we label, listen.
Because the greatest exile begins in the mind when we jump to conclusions.
Written by RL Breski; based on the teachings of Rabbi D. Zahn
