Ask the Rabbi with Rabbi Chaim Mintz
Can a person be too religious, “too frum,” in their commitment to Torah and mitzvot (Torah commandments)?
Rabbi Chaim Mintz responds:
What Does It Mean to Be “Frum”?
First, we need to define what it means to be religious, or “frum.” Being frum means doing the will of Hashem—fulfilling the commands and guidelines of the Torah. Can a person do Hashem’s will too much? No, that is impossible. Since the Torah has clear guidelines, if we follow these rules, we are religious; if we don’t, we are not religious, leaving no place for being too frum. In fact, if someone does something beyond what he is supposed to, he is not being too frum—he’s not being frum enough!
The Torah’s Rejection of Extremes
For example, sometimes a person embraces a certain Torah value but does not follow the proper guidelines in practicing it, going to an extreme. The Rambam (Hilchot Dei’ot 1:1-6) teaches a general principle that applies broadly to all middot (character traits) and behaviors. Every middah has two extremes, and going to either extreme is improper. The Torah commands us to follow in the ways of Hashem, which means to strike a balance—a middle path between them.
Tzedakah as a Case Study
For example, giving tzedakah (charity) generously is a great mitzvah, and wanting to give is a great middah. However, if a person gives so much that he risks becoming poor himself and as a result will need to take tzedakah, then he has become too extreme. The Torah provides guidelines for how much one should give. If a person does not follow those guidelines, they are giving too much tzedakah, but they are not being “too frum.” In fact, they are not being frum enough, because they are not properly following what Hashem wants.
Rachmanut Requires Balance
Similarly, we must have rachmanut, but if someone extends compassion to the point of being overly softhearted, showing mercy even when it is inappropriate or harmful, that is too much rachmanut. Conversely, someone who is always cruel or has a hard heart is the opposite extreme, and is also wrong. The true path is the balanced middle between these extremes, applying each where the Torah prescribes.
“Don’t Be Overly Righteous” Explained
This expression of “don’t be too frum” is perhaps based on a pasuk (verse – Kohelet 7:16): “Al tehi tzaddik harbeh—Don’t be overly righteous.” But there, as well, the point is: don’t get too extreme. This is clear from the end of the pasuk, “and don’t be excessively wise, why should you be left desolate?” This is referring to what people call an “oiberchacham,” or a smart aleck. Indeed, when the Rambam (Hilchot Dei’ot 3:1) writes that fasting excessively is wrong because it can diminish a person’s avodat Hashem, he brings this pasuk as the source.
Who Defines What Is “Too Much”?
But not everything people claim is too much is really overdoing it. What counts as too much is not determined by our personal feelings or opinions—it is defined by what Hashem considers excessive. There are people who may see a behavior that seems extreme to them, and label it as excessive, only because they don’t fully appreciate or understand its value. To truly know the right measure and what constitutes too much, one must see what the Torah tells us, by studying halachah (Torah Law) and understanding the Torah’s guidelines and consulting a Torah authority.
Written by Rabbi Aaron Shapiro
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