The Challenge of Purim Drinking
This Purim, I shared a rather unpopular idea at my Purim seudah (party). I referred to the well-known and oft-quoted words of the Shulchan Aruch (Code of Jewish law) that a person is obligated to imbibe on Purim until he doesn’t know the difference between Arur Haman (cursed is Haman) and Baruch Mordechai (blessed is Mordechai). People use this as a pass to get wasted, which is a very appropriate term for what happens to them.
I’d heard from several sources that in this case, the word “until” is precise, meaning “up until that point, but not crossing the line.” In Hebrew, the phrase is, “ad, v’lo ad b’chlal.” Especially since the Gemara shares stories of terrible things when they got so drunk they didn’t know what they were doing, this explanation of stopping before you get to the drunkenness of Lot makes a lot of sense. So say a number of commentaries.
Why Drink at All?
Some will tell you I’m just being a party-pooper, but the truth is that if you’re meant to praise Hashem, why would it be okay to get yourself into a state where you aren’t able to do so? If you’re barfing and passed out and singing the praises of alcohol, I think you’ve wasted an opportunity. So why the call to drink if you’re not supposed to get drunk? Therein lies to beauty and power of this concept.
Have you ever heard of “breaking the seal”? It refers to several things, but one example is if you’re watching your weight, you won’t even have a single cookie or potato chip, because once you start, it’s hard to stop. If you keep the “seal” intact, meaning you don’t open your mouth, it’s easier to avoid overeating.
A Higher Level than Yom Kippur
Yom Kippur is compared to Purim, but Purim is considered to be a higher level. One aspect in which this is true is that on Yom Kippur you don’t eat or drink at all, so you remain pure and holy. On Purim, though, we are asked to begin drinking, and then stop at the right time! It’s much harder, but that’s also why it works better. It’s like doing a sit-up with a fifty-pound weight in your arms, or doing a push-up with one hand. Because it’s harder, the resulting growth is greater.
Everyday Resistance Training
And this resistance can be practiced all the time. I’m not recommending starting a bad habit and then stopping, but when you are in shul and someone comes in late, or if you’re at a wedding and someone drops a plate, you can avert your eyes so as not to see who it is.
Why would you want to do that? First of all, to avoid embarrassing them, but second of all, to grow in your self-control. Nobody will blame you for satisfying your curiosity, so you don’t have to be embarrassed to look. That makes it an even better chance to exercise control over your desires and choose not to.
Small Victories Over the Yetzer Hara
We recently stayed in someone’s home for Shabbos (Shabbat). The guest area had a refrigerator/freezer and stove, as they use it for a Pesach (Passover) kitchen. I was happy about this, and put some water in the fridge on Friday, Erev Shabbos. The next afternoon, as I was waiting for my wife to head to the Sheva Brachos(t) we were attending, I wondered what was in the freezer. I was about to open it to see, but then I stopped myself. I hadn’t put anything in there to take out. I had no reason to open that door, except to satisfy my curiosity. It had nothing to do with me, so why would I look?
I used the decision NOT to open the door as a way to beat back my yetzer hara (evil inclination) who is constantly urging us to look at things we ought not to. By refusing to look at something just because, or to feast my eyes on what I am looking at, I was using resistance training to grow stronger.
The Reward of Self-Control
When we bite our tongues and don’t make the rude comment we want to, even if it’s really funny and clever, we’re shooting heavenward like being fired from a slingshot. When we don’t take a second look at something that catches our eye, or we choose not to eat the questionable food item, we are being superhuman, and I’ll tell you, it feels pretty good.
On a flight from London, my kosher meal consisted of an amazing-looking ribeye steak (NO, I was not in economy.) However, when they brought it to me, it was no longer double-wrapped (a kosher requirement for meat that is not supervised by a God-fearing Jew). They had opened it in the kitchen because the dripping juices were messy.
I took a few long moments arguing with myself that they didn’t have such steak on the non-kosher menu, and rationalizing that it was partially covered with the wrapping, and I could see in the trash the outer seal. But then I told myself that not eating it as it was likely forbidden would be better for me than giving in. When I made that decision, I felt like a superman.
Any of us can do it. It takes hard work and persistence, but the payoff is totally worth it.
By Rabbi Jonathan Gewirtz
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