Ask the Rabbi with Rabbi Chaim Mintz
From the time we are young, we are taught to say “please” when asking for something and that asking without it is rude. Yet in our prayers we rarely say please. Why is that?
Rabbi Chaim Mintz responds:
Understanding What “Please” Really Means
To answer this, we must first understand what the word “please” actually expresses. While today it is often said simply as a matter of etiquette, it originally came from the expression “if it pleases you.” It is meant to be a way of showing respect to the person we are asking, and making it clear that we are asking for something, not demanding it.
Why Prayer Doesn’t Need the Word “Please”
In our prayers, token expressions like please are unnecessary, because our tefillah (prayer) is structured to achieve the same purpose in a far more powerful and meaningful way.
The Talmud (Berachot 32a) states, “A person should always offer praise to Hashem (God) first and only afterward make requests,” as we learn from Moshe, who praised Hashem before petitioning Him to enter the Land of Israel.
In our prayers, we do not simply jump into a list of demands. Instead, we begin by praising Hashem, recognizing His greatness and that He alone is the source to whom we must turn. Only then do we present our requests with humility, trusting in His infinite kindness.
The Structure of Our Daily Prayers
This, as the Tur (Orach Chaim 51) explains, is why we precede Shemoneh Esrei (the silent Amidah prayer) with the lengthy praises of Pesukei D’Zimrah (introductory prayers giving praise to God). We then continue with the blessings surrounding Shema, expressing God’s creation and ongoing care of the world, His love for the Jewish people, and that He is our salvation.
Then, in Shemoneh Esrei we begin with praises before making any requests. Rabbi Chanina (Berachot 34a) explains that its structure mirrors how a servant approaches a master: the first three blessings offer praise, the middle blessings present requests, and the final three give thanks, as if the requests have been fulfilled.
Moreover, each individual request is embedded within its own blessing of praise, emphasizing our recognition that Hashem is the source and provider of everything we ask for.
Through these praises, our requests arise from genuine humility and dependence, not entitlement — far more meaningful than a mere please.
What About Spontaneous Requests During the Day?
When we turn to Hashem throughout the day with spontaneous requests — “Hashem, help me find my keys,” for example — we don’t need to go through this process again, as we rely on the praises we offer in our three daily prayers, which set the tone for our informal requests as well.
The Word “Na” in Jewish Prayer
There is a word found in our prayers, “נָא,” often translated as please. For example, in Hallel we say, אָנָא ה’ הוֹשִׁיעָה נָא — please Hashem, save us, and when Moshe petitioned Hashem to heal his sister Miriam, he said, אֵ-ל נָא רְפָא נָא לָהּ — Hashem, please heal her now.
However, this please is not a form of etiquette, clarifying that it is a request and not a demand. Rather, it is a cry of urgency, emphasizing how much we need Hashem’s help right now. A plea, not a please.
In Shemoneh Esrei, however, using such language is unnecessary. The very fact that each request is given its own blessing within the central daily prayer of the Jewish people already conveys its urgency. And if every request would use this urgent language, it would lose its impact, and the sense of urgency would be lost.
Written by Rabbi Aaron Shapiro
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