Ask the Rabbi with Rabbi Chaim Mintz
I get angry at times, and I have been told that anger is like idol worship. Is anger really that bad? Is there any advice you can offer to help me control my anger, and does anger ever have a place?
The Jewish View on Anger
Anger is an extremely harmful trait, and can lead a person to commit many sins. In the heat of the moment, anger can make people lose control and say or do terrible things that they will come to regret.
This danger is powerfully illustrated by the actions of Shimon and Levi, who destroyed the city of Shechem to avenge the abduction of their sister, putting their entire family at risk. When Yaakov rebuked them on his deathbed, he cursed their anger, choosing to focus on the root cause rather than on their actions.
But anger doesn’t just lead to sin – it is inherently sinful, and as the Rambam (Hilchos Dei’os 2:3) writes, it is akin to idol worship. Why is that? People typically get angry when they feel wronged by someone else. For instance, if someone damaged his property, caused him financial loss, or hurt them in some other way. They focus their frustration on the perpetrator, whom they see as responsible for their misfortune. However, this reaction overlooks a fundamental truth: nothing happens without Hashem’s (God’s) decree, and since Hashem has many agents to carry out His decrees, if that person hadn’t caused the harm, it would have happened some other way. For this reason, feeling anger toward another person contains an element of denial of Hashem’s complete control, an attitude that indeed resembles idol worship.
From Blame To Teshuvah
A person who understands with clarity that Hashem is the true Source of what happened will not blame others. Instead, he will look at himself and ask, “Is there something I have done that made me deserve this?” or “What message is Hashem sending me, and how do I need to change?”
As far as advice on anger management, it is unrealistic to expect yourself to never get angry. A more practical approach would be to delay your reaction. Tell yourself, “I’ll express my anger soon.” Oftentimes, by then you will have calmed down enough to regain control.
One great Rabbi devised an ingenious method to calm his anger. He purchased a special suit, and whenever he felt himself losing his temper, he would not respond until he put on the suit. During those few moments, his anger would abate, and he was able to control himself.
External Anger Only
However, as bad as anger is, like all middos, there is a time and place where its use is appropriate. After the Rambam discusses the evils of anger, he adds that when a father needs to rebuke his son, or a leader must rebuke his community, it may be necessary to display anger to make the rebuke more effective. However, this anger should be purely external, meant to convey the gravity of the situation, while internally the person remains calm and composed.
And sometimes it is even appropriate to feel genuine anger. When a Jew who truly loves Hashem and His Torah sees someone deliberately violating the Torah, such as eating non-kosher food or desecrating Shabbos, he should feel anger. It should make our blood boil, as the patuk (Hebrew verse) states, “Ohavei Hashem sinu rah – Those who love Hashem hate evil.” Of course, this anger must also be controlled, but it should inspire us to take appropriate action rather than remain indifferent to the situation.
In short: Anger not only causes sin it also denies that Hashem is behind everything that happens. To manage anger, it is helpful to delay reacting, giving yourself time to calm down and regain control. At times, displaying anger while giving rebuke is appropriate, as well as getting angry at sinners.
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