One of the hardest of the Ten Commandments is the direction that we not be jealous. Not killing, not stealing, not worshiping idols? I think most of us feel pretty confident we can handle those. But not being jealous? That can sometimes be a hard one.
To Want What’s His
In terms of the actual prohibition, there is an approach which says we shouldn’t covet what someone else has to the point that we scheme to get it away from them. This might be easier to follow than the simple understanding that we shouldn’t even want what someone else has. But even that one has ways of making it more manageable.
The Princess In The Parable
One part of Lo Sachmod (do not desire, i.e. jealousy) is to not covet your neighbor’s wife. There’s a parable of the beautiful princess who passed through town. The poor villager would never imagine that she might someday become his wife, because he knows she’s way out of his league. He’s a commoner, poor, uneducated, and she’s the king’s daughter. He doesn’t even think that he’d like to marry her.
If we look at what others have in the same way, that the item of our envy has no place in our universe, we won’t even want it. Sure, he has a Rolls Royce, but there’s no way I would ever have one, so why think about it? It’s like being jealous of a pair of shoes that isn’t your size, or of a delicious food you are allergic to or just don’t like. When you can convince yourself it’s not for you, it’s easier to avoid being jealous.
Learning From The Shevatim
The sons of Yaakov were jealous of Yosef’s kesonet pasim (special coat). However, some explain that Yaakov intended that coat to convey criticism to Yosef about his behavior. If the brothers realized that, they likely would not have been jealous. Their jealousy led our nation down to Mitzrayim (Egypt), where millions died amongst suffering terrible treatment and torture. Had the Shevatim (12 tribes of Israel) been able to rein it in, maybe things would have been a bit different.
Aside from thinking how the item of your jealousy really isn’t good for you, you can also consider what it took to get to that point. If you do, maybe you won’t be jealous.
Look At All The Work Involved!
When you see a successful attorney with a big house, nice car, and fancy watch, it’s understandable to wish you had what he has. But if you realize that to earn those things, he had to work 100+ hours a week, miss time with his family, deal with all sorts of difficulties and not be in control of his own time or life, you might feel that the fancy lifestyle just isn’t worth it.
You might be jealous of the plumber earning a high fee for his work, but would you want to deal with the same… uh, stuff, that he has to? It’s easy to want what someone else has, but if you realize what they did to get it, you might feel differently.
Flying Expert
I’ve written in the past about trying to earn status on the airlines. Ironically, shortly after I did, I ended up starting to earn more status on the airlines, and now I have reached one of the top tiers on my preferred airline. I felt pretty good about it, until I spoke to someone else who has that top tier, but he is also in a special class. He is a “million-miler,” meaning he’s flown over a million flight miles. He gets various perks because of that, and of course, bragging rights.
When I heard that, I was jealous – but only for a second. You see, I realized that to become a million-miler, you have to actually sit on an airplane for A MILLION MILES! How many cross-country or international trips does that take? If a trip to Eretz Yisrael (Israel) from New York and back is 12,000 miles, then a million miles is like making that roundtrip 84 times. If you’re going from NY to LA, it could be 200 times. That’s a LOT of flying. Just thinking about what is involved made me tired and a bit cranky. I was able to quash that envy pretty quickly.
It’s Not For Me
A friend mentioned to me that he’s opening a hedge fund. It sounds exciting, because we imagine they all make tons of money. But then I realized, that’s not how I’m made. My brain doesn’t work like that. I’m a writer, not a hedge fund manager. I like to think about Torah, not stocks or companies or quarterly reports.
And that’s how we can be happy with what we have, which is true wealth. Be who Hashem (God) made you to be and enjoy the things He sends you, because He gives you what is best for you.
I Have What I Need
That’s how I see it. I’m grateful for what I have, and for what I don’t, because I’m getting what’s perfect for me. To try and be something I’m not, for something that isn’t right for me, is a lot like being a million-miler; it’s taking things way too far.
By Rabbi Jonathan Gewirtz
2025 – All Rights Reserved
Did you enjoy this column? Feedback is welcome and appreciated. E-mail info@JewishSpeechWriter.com to share your thoughts. You never know when you may be the lamp that enlightens someone else.
