Permission Before Sharing
The Talmud (Yoma 4b) derives an interesting lesson from the first verse of this week’s Torah reading. The verse says, “And He called to Moshe (Moses), and God spoke to him from the Sanctuary [of the Tabernacle] to say [to the Jews as follows].”
The Talmud discloses a hidden meaning in these words. Moshe was not to reveal to others the message God had given him if not for the fact that Moshe was explicitly given permission to do so. So too, when someone shares a sensitive piece of information, the listener shall not reveal it to others unless he is granted explicit permission to do so.
At first, this may seem like a simple principle; a basic act of decency. But in practice, this trait is highly ignored. For the sake of a little pleasure of being the one to reveal someone else’s secrets, people will commonly compromise the privacy of others without a second thought.
A Painful Lesson
One day, a boy went over to his friend Reuven (a pseudonym) and in a teasing manner said to him, “I know something you don’t know.” Obviously, this made Reuven very curious and he pressed to hear what this piece of information was. The boy obliged and divulged the secret: “Your parents are not your real parents.”
Naturally, Reuven was not prepared to accept such shocking news from just a friend of his, and refused to believe it. The boy, however, insisted that what he was saying was true, and prodded Reuven to ask his mother.
As it turned out, it was true that he was adopted, but the adoptive parents were not ready yet to let their adopted son in on this fact. When Reuven presented the question to his mother, who had forged a close and loving relationship with him, she reacted with shock, from which she did not recover. She passed away half a year later. The father did not fare that much better, as he passed away approximately a year later. Reuven himself suffered a nervous breakdown.
The Real Challenge
While this story may be an extreme case, overall, much damage is caused constantly by people who do not control their mouths properly. It may seem like an easy principle to uphold. Preserving the privacy of others is something we all would agree on as being proper behavior.
However, when the situation arises, when we are talking to someone and we know something the other person does not, the temptation to reveal the information can be overpowering. We begin to rationalize, thinking to ourselves, “It’s not really such a big deal,” or “Eventually he/she (the listener) will find out anyways.” And of course, we always make sure to add, “But don’t tell anyone else,” as each person tells that to the next.
When we are faced with such a temptation, we must realize that this isn’t just about a nice courtesy of being extra considerate. The Talmud is telling us that it is prohibited to do so. Even if we were not asked explicitly not to spread the word further, we must keep in mind that it is our responsibility to respect the privacy of the people whom the piece of information is about or honor the desire of the person who gave it, and keep the matter to ourselves.
By Rabbi Yitzchok Aryeh Strimber torah4every1@gmail.com
