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If this is your first time attending a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony, there are many beautiful and meaningful Jewish wedding rituals that may be unfamiliar to you. We hope you will find this guide helpful in understanding and celebrating the event with deeper insight and joy.
The Wedding
Our Sages tell us that the groom is like a king and the bride is like a queen. Every traditional Jewish wedding is a reenactment of the eternal union that was formed between God and the Jewish people at Mount Sinai with the giving of the Torah. The wedding day is also a personal Yom Kippur for the bride and groom – the holiest and most auspicious day of their lives. Their previous sins are forgiven and they start a new life for themselves. (As such, many fast on their wedding day.)
Kabbalat Panim- Welcoming the Guests
The Jewish wedding traditionally begins with a reception, known as the kabbalat panim.
Two separate receptions, one for the bride and one for the groom, are held simultaneously in adjacent rooms. In Ashkenazic circles, the couple traditionally does not see each other for a week before their wedding, thereby increasing the joy they will have when seeing each other just before the chuppah (wedding canopy – see below). Sephardim do not have this custom, and in fact, many times the bride and groom arrive at the wedding together.
The bride sits on an elegant chair and her friends and family come forward to wish her mazal tov. She blesses them in turn, as her blessings are very meaningful on this special day. The groom sits in a separate room with the male guests, friends and family. The tenaim (engagement contract) and the ketubah (marriage contract) are completed and signed by witnesses at this time. In most Ashkenazic circles, the mothers of the bride and groom enter the room for the reading of the tenaim, after which they break a plate together to symbolize the finality of the commitment.
During these separate receptions, a small smorgasbord is served for the men and women to partake of. Men can join the women’s reception but women do not join the men’s.
The Badeken- Veiling Ceremony
After the kabbalat panim, at Ashkenazic weddings, the procession known as the badeken begins. The male guests sing and dance as the groom, flanked by the fathers of the bride and groom, makes his way toward where the bride is seated. He then places the wedding veil over her face. The veil symbolizes modesty and privacy.
After the groom veils the bride, their fathers and grandfathers approach her and bless her. The groom’s entourage then leaves the room amid more singing and dancing. The bride and groom go to their respective rooms to prepare for the marriage ceremony, and everyone else makes their way to the chuppah room.
This ceremony is generally not performed at Sephardic weddings, but some have adopted it.
The Chuppah – Marriage Canopy
The chuppah is constructed from four poles and a cover, which may be a simple cloth, tallit or ornate tapestry. It is open on all sides with a “roof” overhead to symbolize the couple’s commitment to establish a home that will be open to guests. (Though “chuppah” literally refers to the canopy, it’s also the term commonly used for the traditional Jewish marriage ceremony which takes place under the canopy.) It is customary for the chuppah ceremony to be held beneath the open sky. If it is not outdoors, there is usually a skylight above the chuppah.
The Shechinah (Divine Presence) graces the chuppah ceremony with Its presence. The souls of the bride and groom’s deceased ancestors also join this holy event.
The Procession
The bride and groom are each escorted by their parents as they walk down the aisle to the chuppah, accompanied by soft music. The parents hold candles symbolizing the wish that the couple’s life together be filled with light and joy.
The groom goes to the chuppah first and awaits the arrival of the bride. A chazzan (cantor) announces his arrival and sings a melodious welcoming blessing. Then the bride enters, escorted by her parents. At Sephardic weddings, the groom steps down and meets the bride partway down the aisle, and they then walk together toward the chuppah.
At Ashkenazi weddings, as the bride’s welcoming blessing is sung, she and the two mothers circle the groom seven times, representing completeness and spiritual protection. This is perhaps one of the most symbolic Jewish wedding rituals, with deep kabbalistic meaning. The bride then stands side by side with the groom, while the parents move to the side. At Sephardic weddings, the bride and groom stand side by side immediately upon reaching the chuppah. During this time, it is commendable to pray for the success of the marriage.
The Ceremony
The Jewish marriage ceremony script includes three main parts: the giving of the ring, the presentation of the ketubah, and yichud – the adjournment to a private room. Two God-fearing men are called upon to act as witnesses to the three procedures.
The ceremony under the chuppah is a two-stage process. The first stage is called kiddushin (betrothal), and the second stage is known as nissu’in (marriage).
The officiating rabbi begins the kiddushin by reciting a brachah (blessing) over a cup of wine, and the betrothal blessing. The bride and groom each take a sip from the cup.
The Ring
The groom gives the ring to the officiating rabbi, who inspects it and shows it to the witnesses, to ascertain that it has value and belongs to the groom. It is a perfectly smooth, simple gold wedding band without stones, designs, blemishes or obstructions.
Then the groom places the wedding band on the bride’s index finger and says loud enough for the witnesses to hear:
“HAREI AT MEKUDESHET LI BE’TABA’AT ZU KEDAT MOSHE V’YISRAEL.”
(You are betrothed to me with this ring according to the law of Moshe and Israel.)
The Ketubah- Marriage Contract
After the groom places the ring on the bride’s finger, the ketubah (marriage contract) is read aloud. This is considered a great honor, and the couple arranges in advance which of their relatives or rabbis they will honor.
The ketubah details the husband’s obligation to his wife to provide for her needs. The ketubah reading serves as a separation between the two stages of the marriage ceremony: kiddushin and nissu’in.
After the ketubah is read, it is rolled up and handed to the groom, who then gives it to the bride.
At Sephardic weddings, the groom now takes a tallit (prayer shawl with tzitzit attached), recites the appropriate blessing along with the Shehecheyanu blessing, and then wraps it around himself and the bride.
Sheva Brachot- Seven Blessings
The seven Jewish wedding blessings, known as Sheva Brachot in Hebrew, are recited over a second cup of wine. The first blessing is the blessing on the wine and the remaining six are marriage-related blessings. The honor of reciting each blessing is divided among various men who are related or close to the couple, with the final one being reserved for the most respected. A lot of thought goes into this before the wedding.
Smashing the Glass
The ceremony concludes with the groom stamping his heel on a glass and smashing it. This symbolizes that even at the height of our personal joy we remember the destruction of the Beit Hamikdash (Holy Temple). After the glass is broken, the guests shout “Mazal tov!” and lively music begins.
Yichud- Room of Seclusion
Immediately after the chuppah, lively music starts up as the guests wish mazal tov (good wishes) to the bride and groom and their families, while dancing the newlyweds back down the aisle.
At this point, the customs diverge. Among Ashkenazim, the guests continue dancing the couple all the way to the private yichud room, where they spend a few minutes alone. As mentioned above, the bride and groom’s seclusion in the yichud room is the third main component of the Jewish wedding rituals.
Sephardim have varying customs regarding when yichud takes place, so it may not occur immediately after the chuppah.
Reception
Seudat Mitzvah – Wedding Feast
Most Jewish celebrations are followed by a seudah (feast) to honor the occasion.
Participating in a Jewish wedding feast and gladdening the hearts of the bride and groom on their special day is a great mitzvah (Torah commandment and good deed).
When the new couple emerges from the yichud room, they take some time for photos. During this time, the guests find their seats and begin to partake of the wedding meal. Shortly thereafter, the bride and groom make their entrance to the main ballroom, where they are greeted with music, singing and dancing. The groom goes to the men’s side of the room to dance with the men and the bride goes to the women’s side to dance with the women. There is a partition between the two sides.
The main course is served followed by another round of dancing.
Birkat Hamazon- Grace after Meals
The wedding meal is followed by the Birkat Hamazon and another recitation of the Sheva Brachot over two separate cups of wine. Again, the honor of reciting the blessings is divided among family and guests. The two cups are mixed and the bride and groom drink from them.
After the Wedding
The bride and groom spend the first week of their new life together in the embrace of their families and community. For each of the seven nights (including the wedding night), close friends or relatives host festive meals in the new couple’s honor. These meals are called “Sheva Brachot,” a reference to the seven blessings that are again repeated after each one. The bride and groom are treated like royalty during this week-long celebration.
MAZAL TOV!
Sheva Brachot – Hebrew Text and Transliteration
.בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ אֱלֹהֵ-ינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא פְּרִי הַגָּפֶן
Baruch Atah Ado-noy Elo-heinu Melech ha’olam, borei pri hagafen.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ אֱלֹהֵ-ינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, שֶׁהַכֹּל בָּרָא לִכְבוֹדוֹ
Baruch Atah Ado-noy Elo-heinu Melech ha’olam, shehakol barah lichvodo.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָָ אֱלֹהֵ-ינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, יוֹצֵר הָאָדָם
Baruch Atah Ado-noy Elo-heinu Melech ha’olam, yotzeir ha’adam.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ אֱלֹהֵ-ינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר יָצַר אֶת הָאָדָם בְּצַלְמוֹ, בְּצֶלֶם דְּמוּת תַּבְנִיתוֹ, וְהִתְקִין לוֹ מִמֶּנּוּ בִּנְיַן עֲדֵי עַד:בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ, יוֹצֵר הָאָדָם
Baruch Atah Ado-noy Elo-heinu Melech ha’olam, asher yatzar et ha’adam betzalmo, betzelem demut tavnito, vehitkin lo mimenu binyan adei ad. Baruch Atah Ado-noy yotzeir ha’adam.
שׂוֹשׂ תָּשִׂישׂ וְתָגֵל הָעֲקָרָה, בְּקִבּוּץ בָּנֶיהָ לְתוֹכָהּ בְּשִׂמְחָה: בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ, מְשַׂמֵּחַ צִיּוֹן בְּבָנֶיהָ
Sos tasis vetageil ha’akarah bekibutz banehah letochah b’simchah. Baruch Atah Ado-noy mesamei’ach Tziyon bevanehah.
שַׂמַּח תְּשַׂמַּח רֵעִים הָאֲהוּבִים, כְּשַׂמֵּחֲךָ יְצִירְךָ בְּגַן עֵֽדֶן מִקֶּֽדֶם: בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ, מְשַׂמֵּֽחַ חָתָן וְכַלָּה
Same’ach tisamach rei’im ha’ahuvim, kisameichacha yitzircha b’Gan Edem mikedem. Baruch Atah Ado-noy, misameiach chatan v’kallah.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ אֱלֹהֵ-ינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר בָּרָא שָׂשׂוֹן וְשִׂמְחָה, חָתָן וְכַלָּה, גִּילָה רִנָּה דִּיצָה וְחֶדְוָה, אַהֲבָה וְאַחֲוָה וְשָׁלוֹם וְרֵעוּת, מְהֵרָה יְיָ אֱלֹהֵ-ינוּ יִשָּׁמַע בְּעָרֵי יְהוּדָה וּבְחוּצוֹת יְרוּשָׁלָיִם, קוֹל שָׂשׂוֹן וְקוֹל שִׂמְחָה, קוֹל חָתָן וְקוֹל כַּלָּה, קוֹל מִצְהֲלוֹת חֲתָנִים מֵחֻפָּתָם, וּנְעָרִים מִמִּשְׁתֵּה נְגִינָתָם: בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ, מְשַׂמֵּחַ חָתָן עִם הַכַּלָּה
Baruch Atah Ado-noy Elo-heinu Melech ha’olam, asher bara sasson v’simchah, chatan v’kallah, gilah rinah ditzah vechedvah ahavah ve’achvah veshalom ve’reiut. Meheirah Ado-noy Elo-heinu yishama b’arei Yehuda uv’chutzot Yerushalayim, kol sasson v’kol simchah kol chatan vekol kallah, kol mitz’halot chatanim meichupatam uni’arim mimishtei neginatam. Baruch Atah Ado-noy mesamei’ach chatan im hakallah.
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