Car Care
One day, I was getting a car-wash, and this particular location is attached to a gas station which has a store where customers can buy things. Then, there’s also a hallway with windows so you can watch your car proceed through the system. I guess for some people, it’s so exciting to watch the soap being applied, water sprayed, and large towels swished back and forth. There are also a few chairs along the hallway where you can sit to wait.
So, as I proceeded through the store and headed to the hallway, I noticed two men at one of the windows at the front of the glass hallway. The older gentleman was sitting on a chair and standing next to him was one of the biggest, toughest-looking guys I’d ever seen. The type you wouldn’t want to meet in a dark alley at night, if you know what I mean.
First Impressions
But this was daytime in a public place, and he probably wasn’t really a thug, so I approached them to head down the hallway to the exit. I noticed they were eating ice cream bars, which they had likely purchased in the store. And that’s when I laughed (to myself, of course.)
The big guy, with the backwards cap, rippling muscles, scruffy facial hair, and tattoos, was eating a pink and purple sorbet pop! I don’t know what I would expect a guy looking like that to be eating, but it certainly wasn’t that. I mean, I’d expect that from my daughter, or maybe your average six-year-old, but not from Crusher McBonecrusher.
It made me realize that you just don’t know from looking at someone what they’re like inside. He might look scary, but actually be a very soft-spoken and friendly guy who likes to help people. Of course, he might not, and he just happens to like pink and purple sorbet, but that’s really making the same point. We don’t know by looking at someone what they’re truly like.
We shouldn’t jump to conclusions and make assumptions. Just because someone dresses a certain way doesn’t mean they are properly representing themselves. And this works both ways. You can see the tough-looking guy who is actually a pussycat, or someone who looks very calm and safe who is anything but.
Clothes and Character
You can see someone dressed as being very religious, but unless you know for sure, you can’t automatically rely on anything he does. I recall a conversation once with a fellow wearing full Chassidic garb where he used a vulgar word that shocked me. Someone may dress a certain way to fit in with a group, but not be fully committed to those ideals. Clothes do help make the man, but they are still only the cover of the book and there are many pages to be understood to make a valid assessment of the entire volume.
The Alter of Slabodka gave a shmuess (lecture) and spoke of someone who put on a black hat and long coat, having grown a big beard and peyot (sidelocks), and he looked in the mirror and was quite impressed with what he saw. He said to himself, “Now that’s someone who deserves respect!” The Alter shouted, “Fool! That’s you! You’re a clown in a costume. That’s all the reflection shows, nothing more.” His point was that we must not fool ourselves into thinking we’re something we’re not, even if we look the part.
That guy eating the sorbet could be beating someone to a pulp and think to himself that he’s such a gentle soul because he likes pink and purple and flowers and puppy dogs. The guy in the long coat could be cheating a customer and think he’s such a tzaddik (righteous person) because he did the Daf or the Chok (daily learning schedules) before coming to work that morning. As the Alter reminds us, “Don’t fool yourself.”
Looking Within
We need to look at who we are – and who we’re not – and take an accurate measure of ourselves. We need to ask ourselves where we are and where we should be. Do our actions, words, etc. comport with how we view ourselves? If not, we need to make a change.
I was at a store once and wanted to return something but didn’t have a receipt. I thought to myself, “But who can you trust if not an Orthodox Jew?” Then I realized that sadly it doesn’t work that way, because you may see someone who looks like they keep the Torah, but they don’t really, at least, not ALL of it, and it creates a Chillul Hashem (desecrating God’s name) chas v’shalom (God forbid). It gives the world reasons to doubt our holy natures and why Hashem chose us.
As we approach Rosh Hashanah when the books of judgment are open, and every page is reviewed, not just the outside, we should work towards ensuring that we walk the walk and talk the talk, not just dress for the part. Let’s try to make sure the cover tells the whole story and be worthy of a sweet new year.
By Rabbi Jonathan Gewirtz
Rabbi Gewirtz (Operation Inspiration) welcomes comments and feedback. Write to him at info@JewishSpeechWriter.com to share your thoughts. You never know when you may be the lamp that enlightens someone else.
