This week’s Torah portion begins with the words “vayeitzei Yaakov,” which means, “Jacob went out.” This is most appropriate because in this week’s parsha, Yaakov will get married- and how else can a person get married if they don’t go out?!
This calls for some jokes about dating and marriage…
Many people like to go out with people from other countries. For this purpose, there is a number that you can call that will give you ideas of people from around the world. Can you guess what this number is called?
THE INTERNATIONAL DATE LINE!
On that subject*…
What do you call somebody that marries a person from Czechoslovakia?
A CZECH MATE
What do you call a person from Iceland that marries a Cuban?
AN ICE CUBE
How many shidduchim (matches) does a person have to arrange to be considered a shadchan (matchmaker)?
*Disclaimer: no offense meant to people of any nationality or ethnicity.
Your jokes like most modern “jew” jokes are not funny and in disgusting taste. There are 6 million murdered Jews who can testify to that. There another million or so who can testify to the same … Those murdered, raped, ravaged, beaten, burned alive, etc. over the years. The murder continues to this day. Your humor is not the same as the stories of Chelm….you kids don’t have the wits nor the experience of the past–near and far.
Another joke on this weeks Paharsah why did Yakov establish the prayer of Mariv ?because he had 12 children to put to bed so he had to leave the house
This duck was walking down the street to go to
the market. At the first market he came to, he walked in
and asked the owner, “Do you have any grapes?” The
owner said, “No. I don’t have any grapes.” The duck
said “Okay,” and left.
Fifteen minutes later, the duck came back into
the store and asked the owner, “Do you have any
grapes?” The owner replied, “I already told you, I
don’t have any grapes!” The duck said “Okay,” and left.
Another fifteen minutes went by and the duck came
back to the store and asked the owner, “Do you have
any grapes?” The owner, totally irritated by now
said, “Look, I told you two times, I don’t have any
grapes. If you ask me again, I’m going to nail those
web feet to the floor!” The duck said “Okay,” and left.
Twenty minutes later, the duck came back to the
store and asked the owner, “Do you have any nails?”
The owner said, “No, I don’t have any nails!” The
duck replied, “Good, do you have any grapes?”
Kiruv joke form this week’s Parsha:
– Rabbi! Does it say anywhere in the Torah that you need to cover your head?
– Of course! It says in the Torah “vayeitzei Yaakov mi Beer-Sheva”! What do you think – he is gonna travel thru the desert and not cover his head?
Here’s joke on Parshas Vayeitzei:
How do we know that Rachel Imenu could speak with animals?
Answer: Rachel ba’a im hatzon.