Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
When Disappointment Is Part of the Plan
Sichon, however, was not a Jew-lover, and flatly refused their request. As a result, the Jews had to wage war against him, and they enjoyed an overwhelming victory.
A Refusal That Became a Blessing
One might think to himself, “Well, they originally suffered a disappointment when their request to pass through was denied, but in the end, things worked out anyhow.” However, Moshe preempts such a notion and says, “And Sichon did not agree to let us pass through it (his land) because your God hardened his mind and stiffened his heart in order to give him in your hand.”
Their victory over Sichon wasn’t some “consolation prize” for their disappointment. On the contrary, there was really nothing to be disappointed about in the first place. The fact that the Sichon did not allow them to go through his land was not a snag in their advancement towards their destination.
Sichon’s refusal was a blessing for the Jews, as it set them up with an excuse to eliminate a difficult neighbor on their border. God had orchestrated this favor for the Jews by manipulating Sichon’s mind to decide to refuse the Jews entry through his land.
This saga serves as an example for us for life. We can well imagine that there may have been Jews who felt let down by Sichon’s refusal. The Jews had wandered through the desert for forty years and were finally on the verge of settling down in a permanent residence in the Holy Land, and yet again their way was obstructed.
Yet unbeknown to them at the time, Sichon’s refusal was not meant to make their lives harder, but better. It was all a plan to arrange for Sichon to be conquered. Many times in life, what we may perceive as a disappointment is nothing short of a pure blessing.
Seeing the Bigger Picture
When I was in eighth grade I applied to three yeshivot (Talmudical schools). I was not accepted into the institutions of my first two choices and had to settle for my third choice. I remember clearly how I was gravely disappointed.
I believed that I would excel more in my studies in the places of my preferred choices, as they were more prestigious institutions. By the time I graduated from the Yeshivah I did go to, it was very clear to me that the opposite was true. There was no way I would have developed in my quality of Talmud study the way I did had I gone elsewhere. God knew much better than I did what the best place for me was.
Interestingly enough, I had a similar experience going to my next yeshivah. I was convinced that I would succeed more in a certain yeshivah and I really wanted to get accepted there. Despite all efforts to this end, it was not to be.
After spending a while in the new yeshivah which I did attend, it became obvious to me that had I gone to the institution of my first choice, I would have gained less. Had I gone there, there is no way I would have progressed in further developing my quality of learning in the manner I did in the yeshivah I attended.
Trusting Even When We Don’t Understand
Many of us have had such experiences in which we were disappointed over a certain event, and in the end we realized it was better for us the way matters unfolded. We must realize that these were not mere coincidences. God knew all along what was better for us, and made sure to orchestrate our affairs accordingly.
Sometimes, we experience disappointments in which we don’t merit to see the happy ending. We must understand that whatever happens to us is planned by God with our best interest in mind, whether we understand it or not.
When something doesn’t go our way and we start feeling frustration, we need to take a step back and say to ourselves, “This incident was planned divinely by the Almighty for my utmost benefit.”
Remembering God’s Guidance
While this is by no means easy to do, it is the way of the wise. In order to internalize this attitude, we should think back to the times when matters didn’t go as expected and turned out to be beneficial.
Our understanding of events and our foresight are very limited. We must always remember that God is constantly guiding our steps in life. If we are denied that which we seek, it is truly for our benefit.
God knows better.
By Rabbi Yitzchok Aryeh Strimber
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