Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
Ask the Rabbi with Rabbi Chaim Mintz
When my father passed away, he was buried in Jerusalem. I traveled there to be part of the funeral, but when it came time to escort the coffin to the grave, I was shocked to learn that, as a child of the deceased, I was not allowed to go to the cemetery. Is this really a thing? Do I have to follow it? Why have I never heard of anything like this in America?
Rabbi Chaim Mintz responds:
This isn’t a halachah (Torah law), but it is a minhag (custom) that is rooted in Kabbalah (Jewish mysticism). Like many ancient Jewish burial customs, the custom is observed in Eretz Yisrael (Israel) but rarely practiced outside of it.
Why Is This Practice Observed in Israel?
In general, there is a higher prevalence of kabbalistic customs in Eretz Yisrael. The Arizal and his disciples, who settled the land centuries ago, were deeply involved in Kabbalah, and although they were based in Tzefat, their kabbalistic influence spread throughout the land. Although today’s community is much less kabbalistic, these customs have already been firmly established, and we continue to observe them as the minhag of the land.
The Kabbalistic Reason Behind This Ancient Burial Custom
As for the reason behind this specific custom, while we can’t fully explore the deep kabbalistic ideas here, broadly speaking, a person’s actions create malachim (angels). Mitzvot produce good angels, while aveirot produce harmful ones. These negative angels seek to accompany the deceased to the grave, bringing him great distress. In a spiritual sense, they are like his children—creations that emerged from him. If his actual children attend the burial, it signals permission for his “spiritual children”—these angels—to do likewise. But if the children are held back, that restriction extends to the angels as well, shielding the deceased from the harm they might cause.
Following Local Jewish Burial Customs
We are very careful to observe the minhag hamakom—the custom of the place we’re in. Even if a custom sounds strange, it has a source, and was established and followed by great people, and we don’t have the right to change it. This is true of all minhagim, but especially those related to cemeteries and burial. The kabbalists explain that violating cemetery customs disturbs and upsets the souls of those buried there, potentially causing problems for the person being buried.
Therefore, when burying someone in Jerusalem, you should be careful to follow the minhag and not follow the coffin. But in America, where this custom does not exist, you don’t need to be concerned about it and you can attend the burial.
In Short
This is an actual kabbalistic custom observed mainly in Eretz Yisroel. Its purpose is to keep harmful angels away from the deceased. You should follow the minhag of the place where the burial takes place.
Written by Rabbi Aaron Shapiro
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